God said it.....

What I'm about to blog is strong and emotional.  It's raw and the truth.  What I'm about to share is personal and very close to my heart.  If I'm blogging about it it's your invitation into my heart.  and like I always say....this may not be your way but it works for me.

Pickle was walking around this weekend saying "God said it, I believe it."  I instantly thought to myself......what in the world?  Big D and I kept looking at each other like WHAT THE HECK???  Is she working as God's messenger to spread the word of the lord?  Is it a sign that we need to find a little more faith in our lives?  Well, I figured it out.....I got Pickle a new children's CD at the Goodwill this past week and she has memorized the word to this song.  I know a few people are reading this and saying, " I told you Frankie, that's how he works."  Two girls in particular know me and now that the word God used to make me a bit nervous.

Either way, I'm taking it as my sign.  I wasn't raised as an atheist but I also wasn't raised believing in God.  Does that make sense?  My Dad was raised Christian and my Mom was raised Buddhist.  My Dad turned away from Christianity and I believe he was saved on his death bed.  I experienced the work of God in the last hour of my Dad's life.

Okay, let me clarify a few things and start from square one.  I NEVER went to church as child (except one time with my big sis) but never with my Dad.  I went to the Buddhist temple with my Mom as a young girl but wasn't explained any part of the Buddhist religion.  For all I knew we brought the Monk's food and we all had a Thai feast.  My Mom will say she believes in God and that she is Buddhist.  So, you could say my Mom is Christian/Buddhist?  I have taken a few college courses on religion trying to understand "religion."

Heres where the story begins.  For 4 years of my adult life I trained with Billy Blanks (the creator of Tae Bo) at his studio in Sherman Oaks, California.  What does this have to do with anything?  Billy Blanks will directly say that he uses Tae Bo as a way to spread the word of the Lord.  Billy Blanks was proud of his Christianity beliefs and was very vocal about his beliefs.  At first this was a little bit of a shock to me.  Yes, I was there to train for Tae Bo however; Billy is an amazing speaker and you get sucked in within the first few minutes.  Billy Blanks shared his experience with being "saved" and how God changed his life.  His famous quote is "walk by faith not by sight."  Anyway, after each time I trained with Billy I was touched and changed by his stories.  He is one of those guys that you can look into their eyes and see into their soul.  Every year when Tae Bo certification took place I felt like I was changing emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally.  The term "blood, sweat and tears" applied to every aspect of the certification process.   We would workout for 8-10 hours a day and the only thing that got me though those extreme workouts was "faith."  Faith in what?  I still was looking for the answers.
 
 After sometime had passed I was chosen by Billy Blanks team in to work with a group of  military women in Colorado.  Billy Blanks would be flying out to get this program started.  When Billy laid eyes on me he knew something was wrong.  He asked me "girlfriend, what's going on with you?"  I instantly burst into tears.  I explained to Billy that my Dad was given 6 months to live and that he had lung cancer.  After a long talk Billy and his daughter Shelly asked what they could do for me.  I pleaded that I wanted to pray with them.  Billy said "right here?  right now?"  Yep!  Shelly went and got her Dad's bible and Billy opened it up.  He asked me if I have accepted the Lord as my savior?  I stated "No, but I'm ready."  Billy handed his bible to Shelly, the three of us held hands in the middle of a gym and Shelly started reading.  Shelly was crying, I was crying and Billy Blanks had a few tears in his eye.  It was emotional and it was the best feeling I have every experienced.  Indescribable!

Afterwards, Billy said to me "girl, I always knew you had it in you."  And he handed me his Bible and told me to take good care of it.

The story goes on.......as most of you know my Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in April 2005.  He had retired and moved to South Padre Island.  After 3 months of living his dream beach life he was given 6 months to live.  As most of you know, this was heartbreaking for me.  My Dad and I had a bond that words wouldn't give justice.

Big D and I wanted to do hospice for my Dad in our house.  We were newly married but wanted my Dad with us in his final days.  I can honestly say, the last 6 months of his life was spent in pure pain.  I would pray every single day for God to come for my Dad.  Nobody should ever ever ever have to suffer the way my Dad did.  Thankfully God gave me the strength I needed to take care of him and stay strong for everyone around me.

Now I'm finally able to piece it all together.  Part of hospice care is to receive any and all the help you need during the final days.  I asked my Dad if the chaplain could come to the house for visits.  My Dad refused and said he didn't need it.  After about 6 months passed he finally said "buggy, you can have the chaplain come if it will help you."  On October 27, 2005 at four o'clock I scheduled an appointment for the chaplain to come visit my Dad and I.  Little did I know that on October 26, 2005 my Dad took a turn for the worst.  I knew his days were limited and called family to come spend the last hours with him.  Forgetting that I had made the apt with the chaplain, he showed up as planned on October 27 at 4pm.  My Dad hadn't opened his eyes for the last two days.  I sat by his side and explained that the chaplain was here for our visit.  I asked my Dad if he wanted to ask to be saved?  He didn't open his eyes but he squeezed my hand.  The chaplain started praying for God to be my Dad's savior and my Dad finally opened his eyes for a moment and gazed out of the window.  I witnessed God's work and knew this wasn't a coincidence.  Around 7pm on October 27, 2005 my Dad held my brother's hand and let me hold his hand.  I told him that I promised that we would be okay and that it was okay for him to go.  He opened his eyes one last time and looked out the window and followed the light.

May he rest in peace and he will never be forgotten!

Big and tiny.....

One day I will cherish the smallness of these photos.

I know that I always say this but Peanut is such a LOVE!  He is so sensitive and sweet.  He admires his big sister.  He follows her around.  He cracks up at her.  She also loves and watches out for him (most of the time).

Pickle is such a Daddy's girl.  That's why I was given Peanut, someone to admire me and love me.

Seriously.....

When I was a little girl I used to change my clothes a hundred times a day.  It used to drive my sister crazy!  Can I just stress the word CRAZY!  I was very particular about my clothes.  My Mom used to make a large portion of my clothes.  Once, I asked my Mom if she could make my jeans tighter and make them 5 pocket jeans (like the ones in the store).  My Mom used to add that label to my clothes that said "made especially by Mom."  I asked her if she could stop putting that in my clothes.  I wanted "store bought clothes."  Who knew one day that I would cherish things handmade by Mom.

Well, it's officially true....you are given kids that are like you.  It's to torture you!  God wants you to know what your parents went through.  Pickle is so picky about her clothes.  Now this is something I wouldn't teach her....hello!  I thought a good way to save money was to buy a snowsuit/jacket that was black so next year Peanut could wear it.  I figured, who cares if she is in a boy snowsuit.  Well, when it snowed I pulled it out.  She started screaming "no mama no mama thats Bubba's."  Seriously?  This isn't the first time she has done this.  I really didn't realize that a 2yr old had clothing preferences.  I did give her a few options when this photo was taken.  But she added the glasses and the fur vest.  Go figure!

Mom of the year.....

I was organizing (New Years Resolution) the closet in my bedroom.  Pickle was playing around in the bedroom.  I heard a bottle of what sounded like vitamins tipping over.  By the time I turned the corner Pickle had a mouthful of pills in her mouth.  I SCREAMED bloody murder which totally freaked out Pickle.  This was a good thing because she then SCREAMED and the pills went flying out of her mouth.  I instantly counted the pills on the floor to find there were only 7 left.  I assumed she swallowed around 10 pills.  Big D was nowhere to find so, I instantly called my friend (Elle) who lives 3 houses down to see if she could come down and stay with Peanut so I could take Pickle to the ER.  I was still sobbing and so was Pickle.  Elle has this amazing way of staying calm, even in the midst of a major emergency.  Once her daughter got bit by a really really big dog at my house (that I was watching).  As I was freaking out, she stayed calm.  I don't know how she does it?  I suppose having 4 kids might help her a bit, or maybe being a OB nurse for years helps, anyhoo who knows how she has this gift of staying calm??  Through my sobbing I say "can you come down and watch Peanut? Pickle just swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills."  Elle says "what kind?"  I answer "homeopathic ones, sniff sniff."  Elle says "did you call poison control??"  I answer "who?"  Elle says "call poison control and call me back."  Okay, poison control NEVER came to mind.

I call poison control and they said I have nothing to worry about and that I was really lucky that they are non-toxic.  THANK GOD!

I felt horrible!  I felt like the worst mother in the world!  I felt like I failed.  Then I was reassured by all of my wonderful friends that yes, indeed I'm a great mom.  And that it could have happened to anyone.

And for the record........Pickle was hyped up all night long.  It was like she ate a gallon of sugar.  I guess they are mental.........
 

YMCA t-shirts......

I used to get ready to hit the gym.  My old gym outfits consisted of navy shoes for the days my paints were navy and shoes with black on my black pant days.  My shirts used to ALWAYS match the stripe that went down the side of my pants.  I never had to have make-up on because my skin was better.

Today....I did curl my eyelashes because I never leave home without curled lashes.  A touch of foundation on the friend on my nose.  Bobbi Brown light bronzer (but of course).  I now have white shoes which I used to despise (they match everything).  Plain black pants because that stripe down the side of pants only emphasizes your hips.  And sit down....a YMCA t-shirt that was free.

Lord, if you are listening please help me!

Another New Year......

My New Years Resolutions:
1.  to not base my new years resolutions off of exercise, food or a human body

Well this will be short!

2.  clean through one room/closet once a week (purging, cleaning, organizing) and repeat through the year
3.  get rid of out of style clothes/shoes/handbags (who has time to wait for them to come back in style)
4.  get my photography business up and running
5.  wake up and say "TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY!"
6.  not let people who constantly bitch bother me
7.  figure out a plan to go to Thailand for my 40th birthday
8.  accept the city I live in and give it a bigger chance
9.  tell Big D, Pickle and Peanut something I love about them everyday
10.  tell myself something I love about me everyday

I have readers......

Come to find out I have readers.  Imagine that?  Like I said before I don't think my talent lies in writing.  I do think I'm funny but funny looking doesn't count.  Anyway, I'm touched that I have readers out there.  Now, can some of you sign in and make a few comments.  Even the computer illiterate people....it's not that hard and nobody has to see your identity.  It's just one of those things that motivates a blogger to blog more.  

Something happens between baby to man....

I have told you before that Peanut is extremely sensitive.  But let me just reiterate, now I know where the term "mama's boy" comes from.  Mr. Peanut gets his feelings hurt so easily.  Today, my big sis got an idea of what I meant.  We were talking on the phone and I suddenly heard a SCREAM.  I turned the corner to find Peanut laying on the tile floor next to a toy on wheels.  I assume he was standing on it and it slid out from under him and he hit his head on the tile.  Not that I'm comparing but Pickle would have not wanted me to see her crying.  She would have held the tears in until she absolutely couldn't stand the pain and needed to cry.  Oh no, Peanut cries, cries and cries if he gets hurt.  And you can't say it's because he is the youngest.  I didn't do anything different with this kid.  So back to the story, he screams and whimpers.  Calms down, screams again, whimpers again.  Calms down.  We walk by the toy and he relives the experience.  Screaming again, whimpering again, and not to mention doing that thing where you cry and then suck in 3-4 deep breaths of air and burst out crying again.  Then about 10min later he started jabbering and jabbering in a complaining little voice.  You just want to scoop him up and give him LOVE.  He is so dreamy and scrumptious!

So, what happens to males?  When I talk with most of my fiends with boys they all agree that their boys are more sensitive then their girls.  What do we do to our males that makes them grow up to feel like they can't display their emotions?  You don't see men who burst out into tears like women.  Somehow we switch roles.  Women become the criers and men become the tough insensitive ones.    Just a question to think about......

The best two things that have ever happened to me.......

Mama bye bye....

This is how the conversation goes....."mama, no gym....no gym....no gym...no house...no house...no house" I say "where do you want to go?"  Pickle responds "mama store, pock corn."

So, all you Mom's out there, 1.50 buys a combo meal of popcorn and a soda at Target.  Pickle gets a juice box from home and the popcorn and I get peace and quite while I drink my Diet Coke and stroll around Target.

When Big D gets home I tell him "Pickle insisted that we go to Target."  He loves this one.

Sop peas.....

Pickle used to have this thing where when you did something she didn't like she would smack you.  So, I have been working on trying to get her to stop hitting.  This is how it goes "Pickle, when you don't want someone to do something we don't hit, we politely say stop please."  Now, every time I'm doing something she doesn't like she says "sop peas" "sop peas."
I'm brushing her hair and she says "mama, sop peas"
I tickle her and she says "sop peas"
I give her a giant bear hug and she says "sop peas"

I guess she gets my point.

To my bronze goddess friend.....you know who you are....

Blogging can be just another thing on a TO DO LIST.  I often feel like there isn't anyone out there that reads my blog except my darling big sister.  She tells me when I'm slacking, funny, touching and too open.  She says she gets a little obsessed with checking my blog and when there is a post she says "I feel like I just won the lottery."  How sweet is that?  She makes me want to keep blogging.  It's a way for her to feel like she is in the loop from across the world.  


I really don't feel like I can write worth a crap but I try and that's all I can ask of myself.


Anyway, I about peed my pants when I found out that my bronze goddess friend reads my blog with her morning coffee.  I was thrilled, touched and motivated to keep blogging.  That indeed there is another person besides my big sis who reads my blog.


So, this is to you my BOBBI BROWN LIGHT BRONZER friend.
I found myself counting how many Light BB bronzers I had left in the Frankie Store.  I find myself worried everytime I put it on that soon the day will come when I need to actually shell out the 32 bucks and buy one.  It pains me to know that the white tray of tester bronzers are vintage.  It pains me to not be able to go into NM and win a new white tray of BB bronzers.  Nobody else will feel my pain except you.  This is one thing we will always have in common.  And I always think about you and your ten chicken tacos.  And let me know when you are in the hood so I can do your pics!  

Today.....

Pickle got out a roll of Christmas wrapping paper.  Laid it out on the floor.  Went to the pantry and got some animal crackers.  Took the animal crackers to the laid out wrapping paper.  Proceeded to wrap the animal crackers and said "mama, DERDAY (birthday) PARTY."

LOVE BUTTER.....

"Pickle, waffles are so good they don't need butter"  "Mama, LOVE BUTTER!!!!!"

Seriously?

Merry Christmas......

This was by far the BEST Christmas to date.  This was my 34th Christmas and can I just say it was everything I have ever dreamed it would be.  Having kids changes the entire perspective on Christmas.  We had an amazing time with family on Christmas Eve and hanging out at home on Christmas Day.

It was Pickle's 3rd Christmas and she didn't get the whole concept of tearing through presents.  Santa Claus left her the cutest PB metal grocery cart (santa has great taste).  We put her monkey in it and when her eyes laid on it Christmas could have stopped.  She didn't care about anything else.  It was Peanut's first Christmas.  Peanut got a PB chair like Santa brought to his sister last year.  He felt like such a big boy sitting in his new chair.  Mostly Peanut enjoyed playing with the paper.  Pickle loved a car that Peanut got, it's a voice command car.  She loves yelling out orders to this car.  It's really funny to hear "GO CHUCK" "WACH OUT CHUCK!!!"

Both of their stockings are still laying on the floor 4 days later untouched and filled with goodies.  Do you think their a little overwhelmed?

This holiday season we are blessed in more ways then we can count.  I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.  I'm looking forward to a new year as always.  Out with the old and in with the new!

Where are you...........?

"Pickle" no answer,  I shout louder "PICKLE" no answer.  I shout again "Pickle are you hiding????"  Pickle answers, "HIDING, MAMA."

Night at the Ritz Carlton.....

Had a girls night out at the Ritz with some old high school friends.  It was the first time I have ever left Pickle and Peanut overnight.  I lived, I survived.  I missed tucking them in bed and I missed waking up to the sound of "mama."  But this is what I figure, I was single for 31 years of my life.  I have partied, gone out tons, traveled, traveled with the girls, done overnights with the girls spent 31 years being single and loving it at the time.  I have waited my whole life to be married and have kids, I'm going to enjoy my family and not feel guilty if I would rather stay home.

Lottery.....

Someone feels like the just won the lottery!  You are my lucky winner.  You know who you are : )

My favorite part of the day.....

Is when the house absolutely silent and you can hear the coffee maker brew my afternoon coffee.

My other favorite time of the day is when my house is filled with laughter and is so loud it would give some people a headache.

Stinky Mommy....

Today Pickle walked in my room and said "hello stinky mama."

A piece that made me stop and think....hope it does the same to you...

This is an awesome piece.  If you have not read it, take the time to read it now.  If you have read it, take time to read it again! 
                                              

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate. 

  A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.  

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ' I love you ' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
                      George Carlin

Pantry raid.....

Mr. Peanut is the biggest eater I have ever seen.  When he hears us feed Daisy he comes crawling, we have learned to hold him when there is dog food out.  He sneaks dog food in his mouth and you can see his little cheeks chomping.  Other than dog food, he eats things like chili, broccoli, black beans, avocado, pretty much anything you put in front of him.  Pickle didn't know what to think when she saw this one, and Daisy was waiting in line for seconds.

Mr. Santa.....

Santa is going to be at our gym tonight for North Pole night.  I told Pickle and all she can say is "no cinta, no cinta, no cinta."

The day has come.....

So, most of you know that I'm very into clothes.  More so when I was a working gal but clothes are my hobby.  I love piecing together the perfect outfit and, what really gets me off is when I buy something and bring it home to discover it matches perfect with something in my closet.    I love matching.  I get a kick out of finding a assortment of pieces from the same dye lot.  Crazy huh?  Ya know, a shirt that's pink and the exact same pink scarf and so on.  As a kid, my favorite thing was to change outfits.  You can ask my sister, I would leave trails of clothes all over my room and house.

Normally, when I get Pickle dressed I let her pick between two "outfits," yes "outfits."  I have this weird obsession to use pieces and mix and match the pieces.  One day the dress over jeans and the next week the dress layered with something else.  It gives the appearance of having lots of different things and it fills time when I'm bored.  Anyway, she feels proud when she gets to make her selection between the two.  Well, the day has come........Pickle got her outfit on today after a little bit of a struggle.  No biggie, until she got into my sock drawer and picked out a pair of my wild socks and put it over her outfit like leg warmers.  Yes, leg warmers.  I was thinking to myself...phew, at least she picked a pair that matches.   As we were out shopping at JoAnn's she would hike up her leg warmers as far as she could.  It was quite adorable if I may say so myself.  But I was thankful that they did match.  Oh, and the other thing....I was letting her choose at JoAnn's today between monkey fabric for a new room.  I held up two monkey prints, one sea foam green and the other pink.  I sat there is silence, not saying a single word.  I said "lily pick one."  And she picked the pink monkey print and told me that the green one was for Bubba.  I promise, I promise, I promise I have never influenced her in pink whats so ever (even though I love pink).  Ever since I knew Peanut was in my belly we actually stopped buying any girl pj's.  She wears lion, dinosaur red, blue and green to bed with no problems.  But for some reason she knows the difference for her everyday clothes and color preferences.  To be honest, I was secretly hoping she would pick the pink monkey fabric (it's way cuter)!

The other day we went to the gym and she put on 3 plastic glitter headbands over her forehead.  They weren't even touching her hair.  They kept falling into her eyes and it would make her squint.  I watched the monitor as her teacher kept pulling them up and Pickle would pull them down right over her eyes.

The other night she insisted on wearing a bathing suit to bed under her pj's.  This might not sounds so bad until you have 5 seconds notice for potty time.  Oops, just a small accident.

Well, I suppose this is one of those things that I must accept and let her creative side come out.  I want to encourage her and let her discover the possibilities of creating different ensembles.

Believe it or not...

I was able to leave Pickle for 45minutes at the gym's daycare.  I watched her on video monitor and she would go between sucking her thumb (she does it when she is tired or stressed out) to holding her blankie by her face.  The room is split into two sections.  One side is the walking-3yr old side and the other side is separated by a half wall and that is where the babies are.  The entire time she would walk over to the half wall to see her Bubba brother.  A few times I saw her stand on a chair to make sure Bubba was okay.  When I got back to pick her up she said "mama sucker" I promised her a sucker if she didn't cry.  So she must have thought about the dum dum the enitre 45 minutes.  It's funny how independent she is unless we aren't around.

Peanut holds gruges....

The other day P&P were in the tub.  Big P took it upon herself to tell little P to sit down and then she would follow with yanking him down.  This went on for a few minutes until he all of a sudden broke out in tears.  He started screaming and saying "mamamamam"  I pulled him out, went to his room, got him dressed and he was all better.  Big P walked in 15 minutes later to give him a hug when he all of a sudden started reliving the bathtub experience and started crying again.  He kept looking at her with the saddest face I have ever seen.  It took him another good 15 minutes to get over it.  He is the most sensitive little man!

Her social life is more exciting then mine....

We have 3 birthday parties this week alone.  I didn't realize that there were so many 2-3 year old parties.  We have two at My Gym which is pretty darn exciting.  No longer are the days of small celebrations with a paper hat and cupcake.

Pickle said....25m...

This is the stage where Pickle is saying all kinds of funny things.....

A rooster says "how do ya do"

A birthday party is "poo poo party"

Your brother "is nice"

Christmas "cis sis"

And when I ask her about Christmas she always says "Elmo's cis sis, santa dances.....watch peas"

Another funny thing....we went to our cousins birthday party, Doda gave her a ziplock bag of M&M's, she had them in her car-seat, she fell asleep and forgot about them, 2 days later, we went to the car, and she told me "Doda hide chocolate for illy"

Saks Fifth Avenue...

This weekend I worked as a freelance makeup artist at Saks.  I was doing makeup as my clients were being served Champagne, I thought for a second that I was living the wrong life, then I realized I would way rather be served a Starbucks at Super Target any day to have Pickle and Peanut in the cart in front of me vs. at home with the nanny.  The grass seems greener but that isn't necessarily true.

Has it been an entire month.....?????

I haven't been blogging too much lately.  It takes a lot of time and written words don't come easy for me.  So.....here goes in a summary:

Our very best friends in this new city we live in moved far away.  I'm heart broken!  Seriously, heart broken.  It was a couple that we hit it off with from Chi town.  Pickle's best friend, my new town best friend, our hang out couple, and we both had new little Peanuts together.  They don't plan on coming back to the mountains so.....tears of sadness!

Our house is back on the market.  If it sells, it sells and if it doesn't sell, it wasn't meant to be.

I'm officially starting a photography business.  It's my dream, passion and desire.  I have always, always taken pictures for my friends and family.  Ever since my first Nikon film camera back in the early 90's I have been hooked.  I want my career to be my passion and my passion to be my career.  I have always had the "EYE" for photography, now I'm learning the technical side to photography.  My specialty is children and families outdoor.  I like candid work of kids and capturing that special moment for people.  What I noticed is that there isn't a wide range of photography businesses.  There are the high-end photographers who charge 500 for a sitting fee and keep the copyright to the photos then there are the cheesy mall photographers that rope you in with props and a $125 dollar package with their logo.  I want families to come to me more frequent.  I want to sign over my copyright so they can do what they want with the photos, digital scrapbook, make prints for their families and so on.

You can take a look at my work at www.gwinnerphotography.blogspot.com
I'm working on a website but for now I'm blogging my work.  I'll keep you all updated.

Pickle is a 2years old going on 13!  She is a Mess with a capital M!  This is her latest.....I'm kid swapping with another girl and I have her 2 year old and 6m. old.  I'm busy with the babies and the girls are upstairs playing kitchen.  I hear Pickle say that she has to go potty and send her on her way.  Not a big deal for her.  A few minutes later I hear Faank key, Faank key, Faank key HELP.  Then within that same moment I hear water gushing.  I run upstairs to see her holding a plunger in the toilet and water is full blast pouring out on to the floor.  There is about an inch of toilet water covering my bathroom floor.  I turn off the knob behind the toilet.  Pickle starts saying flood, flood, mama flood.  I soak up the toilet water with 15 or so towels and shut the door.  An hour later I'm standing in my dining room downstairs and I hear a drip, drip, drip to find 5+ drip size holes of water dripping all over the floor.  Oops.  This isn't going to help my "I want 3 kids argument when D gets home."

Pickle is amazing, counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 7, 8, 7, 8, 19, 20.  She was in the store and starting yelling Hanney Manney (I suppose she is watching a little too much Nickelodeon, he is a latino handy man for those of you who don't know Handy Maney).  She loves Elmo and Abby and Zoe, I still refuse to dress her in her favorite characters but I'm this close to allowing Elmo pj's.  Yes, I said it.    She pretends to cook mac and cheese with dirt at the park.  She calls her brother "Bubba or Stinky."  She says "Daddy do it" when it's something she doesn't want to do (I'm not reinforcing this behavior).  She constantly says "I tttttttrrrryyyyyyyy (try).  She wakes up in the morning, takes off her pull-up, throws it away, gets panties on, gets dressed, and turns her muzack on loud.  She cried when I tried to put on a boy snow suit ( I tried to save money by buying a black snow suit so Peanut could wear it next year), she said "mama Bubba's".  I HAVE NEVER influenced her choices based off pink or blue.  Not sure where she learned this.  Oh and believe it or not....our little independent one.....screams bloody murder when I drop her off at the cool gym's daycare.  It's the best gym daycare I have ever seen with age separate rooms, fun teachers, stations and she hates it!  I watch her on the video monitor shaking the door and screaming anytime a teacher comes up to comfort her.  I haven't given up yet, they said it takes about a month or so.  I go at 530 to get my workout in and then take her back during the day to try and get her warmed up.  They always come and get me during my workout.  Kinda a pain!  This list of things goes on and on.

Peanut is the most sensitive little guy.  He gets his feelings hurt so easily.  Especially if Pickle does something to him.  He stays mad for awhile and when she comes over to give him a hug, he whimpers and looks for his mama.  He is a total Mama's boy!  Little man is sweet, lovable, happy, easygoing, and is always laughing.  Peanut is getting into everything!  He is cruising along the furniture, crawling at full speed, saying Dada and Baba.  He's a total talker.  He is totally intrigued by Daisy.  He watches her and laughs hysterically.  He has already found his special blankie that Big mama made for him.  He sucks his ring finger and middle finger together like he's throwing gang signs.  He's a sleeper like his big sis was.  He is determined and I mean DETERMINED.  He gets an idea and doesn't forget about it.  He will go after something until he has it in his hand.  He has 4 top teeth and 2 bottom.  And most importantly, he lets his mommy rock him before bed ;-)        

Big D is staying busy with work and has really taken an interest in my photography business.  He has been researching professional camera equipment, learning the in's and out's of photoshop cs4 and lightroom and is learning how to take better pictures.  It's nice to have his support and encouragement.

And me????  I'm working on making myself a better person.  Life is too short to be angry, bitter and sad about things in the past that you can't change.
I'm at a point where I'm trying to focus on myself to make myself a happier individual.  The happier I am the more I can give to my husband and children.  I'm tired of trying to make other people happy (Big D, Pickle and Peanut excluded).  I'm over negative people that blame everyone else for their unhappiness.  I'm focusing on the new year ahead and I refuse to look back at my life to see that I gave to everyone except myself.
Heres a few quotes that made me think.....

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.  ~Jan Glidewell


Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.  ~Cherokee Indian Proverb



Often we don't realize who we're meant to be because we're so busy trying to live out someones else's ideas.  But other people and their opinions hold no power in defining our destiny. ~Oprah Winfrey

Forgetting the past to rebuild the future.....

As a mother of two beautiful children it's time to reinvent Christmas.  I owe it to my family to LOVE Christmas, to start new traditions and to build memories for our family.  Christmas time has never been a favorite of mine.  Yeah, yeah, yeah,  you can blame 16 years of retail but actually it has nothing to do with retail.  Blame my jacked up childhood.  Since age 8 I have been torn between houses.  That really annoys me!  When I was at my Dad's house I would worry about what my Mom was doing and when I was at my Mom's house my heart was broken for my Dad who was alone with the dogs.  It was never a comforting feeling being torn between who to spend Christmas with.  Christmas was kinda a blur as a child.  We didn't have any family traditions that we carried through.  I always remember my Dad doing all of his shopping at the local K-Mart or Target on Christmas Eve and coming home and filling the tree.  When he would shop in advance, by the time Christmas came I had just a few presents to open because I would beg to open all of them early and he couldn't say no to me.  I do remember a few times going out and getting a fresh tree.  I remember writing a note for Santa.  I remember my Mom getting us fruit baskets with money.  I remember one year my sisters and I all got new jewelry boxes.   Well, I do remember a few things but not many.  Like I always say, my parents did the best that they could.

So, instead of bitching about the past the new me is going to take action for my life and change what I don't like!  

Faank key....

Pickle has decided to call me "Faank Key" then she laughs hysterically.  I know, I know, don't answer is what you are going to say.  I tell her if you need something I'm Mommy!  Then she says "mommy, drink please" I get her drink and hand it to her and she says "thank you, Faank Key" and starts laughing and laughing and laughing.  I tell her NO, I'm Mommy and she says "okay Mommy" and walks off saying "Faank Key."

I know, pay backs are a bitch!

Peanut, 9 months old....

Peanut is just about 9 months old and is the busiest little guy I have ever seen.  He is the most determined little guy.  If he wants something he makes it happen no matter how difficult it may be for him.  He LOVES his big sis!  He is always following her around and tries to talk to her.  He loves pulling her hair and playing with her babies.  Pickle is so patient with him most of the time and is also looking out for him.  Every time he is sleeping and she needs him or misses him she runs up to his room, throws the door open and screams "BUBBA, SISSY."  He jerks up from a dead sleep and when he sees her he has the biggest warmest smile.
Peanut has to eat everything we eat, even spicy foods.  He is crawling at a world record speed, pulling himself up but has no interest in taking any steps.  He has 4 teeth and is getting another 4 in (they are coming in at the same time).  He hardly ever cries.  He sleeps 9 hours a night and still has 2 naps and 1 catnap.  He is amused by anything and everything.  He is always laughing.  He isn't as much as a cuddlier anymore, he can't sit still long enough.  But after he wakes up he needs his love and cuddles.  Thats your window with him.  He's a nugget!

Worst Mommy experience thus far....

The story starts like this.  Pickle is potty trained.  However; the problem lies in the big #2.  We are still working on relaxing her enough to go on the potty.  Normally she is lucky enough to go right when she wakes up from nap-time and she is wearing a pull-up.  However; Sunday when I was out having sometime to myself she decided to go on the floor in her bedroom.  Thank God I wasn't there for that one.  But I think my story is way worse then that.

Okay, we are at the park enjoying a nice day since the weekends snow storm.  Pickle is playing and gets that look on her face.  I run full speed up to her and she says "Mama poo poo."  I calmly say can  you wait a minute, not even knowing if she understands what "wait" means at all yet alone understands wait a minute when it comes to pooping??  I run to get Peanut out of the swing, and then I rush both of them to the car.  Normally, I have a potty seat that I place on the ground and she goes from there.  However; there were people there and this was gonna be a #2.  I buckle both kids in the car, thank god I drove the car this day because normally we walk to the park.  We race home, as safely as I can drive.  Run in w/ Pickle and place her on the potty.  I leave Peanut buckled in the garage thinking this will only take a minute and we can go back to the park to enjoy our afternoon.  Minutes later I go get him out of the car.  Come back and she is using the potty to get buckets full of water out of the toilet and pouring them on the floor.  Thats not the bad part.....keep reading....
Okay, 15 minutes later no #2.  I give up and let her run around naked for a minute.  I come back into the dining room to find her squeezing her butt cheeks as tight as humanly possible.  I go to pick her up and I see a giant terd, in slow motion, getting ready to fall on my light beige carpet.  Not knowing what to do, my instinct kicks in to save my carpet and I catch the giant hot terd in palm of my bare hand.  And Pickle says "mama, poo poo, sucker."  And I attempt to explain to her that suckers are only given to poo poo's on the potty.   

Mr. Peanut....

Can I tell you again? Peanut is the damn cutest thing! He is a little love nugget. He has the most easy going nature, is so amazingly happy, and has the ability to charm anyone. P&P love each other so much. They are constantly looking for each other. Pickle calls him "Bubba" and calls herself "Sissy." When she walks into a room he grins from ear to ear. She runs over and gives him hugs and kisses and says "Bubba, Sissy's here." AHHHHHHHHHH, I love my kids!!!!!!!!!! I'm so glad that I had them so close together!

Elmo panties....

It was a big day last week when Pickle was able to pick out her first pack of undies. I asked her what kind she wanted and she said "Nelmo panties mama." She picked Elmo and is so proud! I made an announcement in our stroller workout class and she was beaming! I was doing the pull ups thing and then read Super Nanny's book. She suggested that it's undies or diapers and that pull ups can be confusing. So, I braved it and packed a few changes of clothing to find that once Pickle knew she was only in panties she hasn't made a single accident. She still wears a pull up at naptime and bedtime but other then that we are free! I can give you directions to every potty in town!

My drug of choice......

To start off, I'm in the happiest place I have EVER been! Even in the midst of financial struggles, house going back on the market (thats another blog), being stuck in my house for a week with flu crap, and potty training oops.....I have never been happier in my life. First off, I realized that something very very important has been forgotten. It's something that is in my control and I can't place blame on anyone else for standing in my way. It's my drug and a damn good drug to say the least. I found that something so small does it for me. It makes me happier, balanced, less stressed, higher self esteem, better sleep, better you know what, healthier eating choices, opens my heart to D and just down right puts me in a damn good mood. After the awakening, the first day big D said "man, it's the old you, she's back." And hearing that the old me was back was a BIG deal. So.....what is my drug of choice????

The GYM! You laugh? For the past two years I have been doing a stroller workout class. Don't get me wrong, it's fun, social, a good workout, Pickle LOVES it, Peanut is starting to like it too, we have playgroups, GNO, and a stay at home mom's support system. Rolling with the stroller is good but the gym is just a different beast to me. There is something that I just love about waking up before the sun comes up, having my coffee and hitting the gym at 5am. The crispness of the morning air, seeing all the other early morning risers, soaking yourself with sweat and leaving when the sun is rising...ahhhh! It sound so funny to say but it has changed me. Ya know when you do something you love, you know you love it, and then life gets in the way and you quickly forget why you loved it? Thats how I feel about the gym. I used to always make time for my gym workouts and teaching fitness classes. I loved teaching classes and yelling at people to work harder. Even when I worked full-time, when to school full-time and had a very busy social life it was never sacrificed.

I feel like a new person! It's the only time of day that is mine, D doesn't have cases until 7am, I sneak out before the kids get up, and I can just do my thing alone. The only time I'm ever alone anymore =)

Deleted my blog from Facebook.....

Anyone has access to my blog but there is a difference in actually making the effort to visit my blog vs. it coming up on facebook newsfeed. I just figure the 200+ people that I'm friends with can visit my blog if they are interested but I don't need it published on facebook. Now I know!

Traditions......

Do you remember us locking Pickle in the car last year at the pumpkin patch? Diana's pumpkin patch has made our "family traditions list". It's about an hour away from where we live but well worth the drive. We loaded up the kids and most importantly the potty and headed to the pumpkin patch. I of course planned their outfits to compliment the color of the pumkins, how could I resist? I was trying to get Pickle to smile and the owner came over to try and help me, I I said, "the last time we were here we locked her in the car," the lady started laughing and said "you were balling crying calling 911, I remember, and boy you have been busy." We must have made an impression.

As kids, we were never taken to pumkin patches, last year was our first time. It's festive and fun to go and pick your pumpkin. Completely different then grabbing one at your local Wal-Mart. We had a great time!

Not as bad as I thought....

I decided to link my blog to my Facebook account. If I blog then it automatically posts to FB (my friends only). I thought I would give it a try but I'm still undecided on whether or not it's a good thing. I wonder if all those FB friends actually want to read my family blog then I figure if they don't care then they won't read it. Right? We'll see....???

As you all know, Peanut was thought to possibly have Swine. As to my previous blog I was a little worried to say the least. I personally feel that the media has the shit scared out of people. Yes, there are cases of death due to N1H1 but at the same time there are deaths every single year due to the seasonal flu. There is a lot of controversy regarding the treatment and the vaccination for N1H1. I'll stay out of that. Personally...I got my first flu shot when Pickle was a tiny little baby. I never had a problem staying healthy and I can count how many times I have had the flu on one hand. Now that I have kids, I do believe in getting my annual flu shot for their sake. As a mother, I owe it to them to stay as healthy as possible.

If anyone knows D and I, you know that we don't have babies that cry. Seriously, our babies were not the kind that cried for an hour straight...not even 15 minutes. Now I know why....Peanut cried and cried and cried, from about 10pm to 1am. And then woke up at 5 am crying. D and I never said anything to each other but secretly we were wondering what happens if we decide to have a 3rd child and it cries like this? What would we do? It was stressful, made us nervous and we didn't know what was wrong, and it's not like Peanut could say "hey mom and dad...." That just goes to show you that God gives you the kind of baby that you can handle...we can't handle a baby that cries. We thought the crying was due to the flu...come to find out Peanut popped/is popping two huge teeth. One on top and another on bottom.

So, to make a really long story short...I don't think Peanut had N1H1. He was only sick for about 3 days. On and off. I think it was more the teeth then anything else. But we learned a valuable lesson, not sure if we should take the gamble on having a 3rd baby for the mere fact that it could be a crier.

What the fuck is UNCONFIRMED swine flu?

I walk into Urgent Care to find a BIG sign stating "if you have a cough wear a mask" Peanut just has a fever so, I walk past the HUGE sign and bin of face masks. I take the stairs to avoid having to push an elevator button or to get trapped with someone wearing a mask. I check Peanut in and I stand to avoid sitting on germ infested chairs. I'm surrounded by people with face masks on, around 10. There are about 5 kids jumping around with their masks on going from chair to chair. They are practically hacking up a lung...thank God they have their face masks on to catch the lung that is about to be ejected. We get called back, I state Peanut's symptoms which is strictly a fever of 102 and a little bit of congestion. No, we don't have a cough, NO, nobody in the family is sick...of course he is around other snotty nosed kids (don't most kids have runny noses when it's cold out?)....yes, he was perfectly in good spirits yesterday with a little bit of a runny nose. The Dr. in the most nonchalant manner says "Sounds like Swine, well unconfirmed that is." I let out a small gasp, clench on to my little baby boy and have a questionable look on my face. Then he says well....let's just say there is no point in doing any lab work because there is nothing to treat. Pardon my french....what the FUCK is an UNCONFIRMED case of the Swine Flu? When I watch the news I'm teriffied of what the media has to say about N1H1. What the hell does UNCONFIRMED mean? Well, basically they can't treat anyone under the age of 2. And if they could there is a shortage of the vaccine and pretty much isn't available. Yes, it's a pandemic....and yes, the Dr. saw 15 others with Swine just today alone. What can we do? Wash wash wash your hands. Clorox, Lysol and that's pretty much it. As far as Peanut is concerned....only treat the fever with Tylenol if he acts like he is in pain.

To put things into perspective.....

About 115 people die every day in vehicle crashes in the USA...one death every 13 min.

In 2008 over 15,000 people died from drunk driving.

Basically, Swine is just another form of the flu. I'll keep everyone updated...please keep us in your prayers. And to all the Mommies that were over yesterday...I'm so sorry!

It's hard to believe that Pickle is 2!

I'm amazed at how much you can love someone after only two years of knowing them. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine motherhood to feel like this. Yes, I knew you loved your kids but after becoming a mother I finally understood the saying "it's like letting your heart walk around outside." The past two years have flown by. Let's just say that Pickle is our little angel. Obviously! She is a riot! She is so entertaining, independent, smart, funny and knows just how to pull at your heart strings. I have never met such a two year old with such a BIG personality. Happy Birthday Pickle...we love you more then the world!

My worst nightmare....

Today my worst nightmare happened....Lily said "Dora." Let's just clarify that she hardly watches Dora on tv. I'm terrified of characters. I despise clothes with Elmo, Mickey, Tinkerbell, Dora and everyone else I failed to mention. Why??...well, I just think they are cheesy. I dread the day she asks me for Dora shoes...I'll just tell her they don't come in her size.

Peanut...7m old...

Just when I thought Pickle was an easy baby God gave me Peanut. Peanut is the sweetest, most lovable, cuddly, good natured baby. He is such a love muffin.

Are these early signs of hoarding?

I have been known to hoard lip glosses. I hoard them for so long that they eventually have to get tossed. Yes, even brand new lip glosses. I'm obsessed with hoarding tv shows because it makes me feel better about myself. Lately, Pickle has gotten so obsessed with carrying her stuff around from stroller to bag to basket. I call her my little bag lady and Big D has taught her to say Pack Rat. At least it entertains her for hours. Moving, shuffling, packing, carrying, to just do it again.

House status...

Not sure if I mentioned it but we officially took our house off of the market after 7 long months. We put the house on the market when I was pregnant with Peanut. We actually had a showing a week after I delivered. Phew, can I say that was the most stressful time! Two babies are nothing but showing your house at the same time is a different story. I think it was the most trying time to be showing a home with a brand new baby and a toddler running around. And I'm one of those people who can't show a house in mediocre condition.

Where are we going next? We aren't exactly sure. Our fingers are crossed that the housing market turns around. We might try again next summer. Not sure yet.

We have lived here now for almost 3 years. A big part of me misses our old city however; at times I really like it here. Sometimes it feels way too small here and other times I like the smallness. I have met a great group of friends. We have built a strong support group. Pickle has a ton of friends that we do stuff with daily. We are involved in our stroller workout classes every morning and playgroups every week. We have mom's night out. It's been great to find a lot of girls that are in my same shoes. In D town all my friends have kids that are grown. It's hard to say....with everything in life there are pros and cons. I figure if and when it's time for us to move it will just fall into place and happen.

Pickle's favorite word from vacation...

Spisay (spicy).

Problem...

As you know the main purpose of my blog is to document my children's lives. I want them to be able to go back and read about their lives and my feelings. Like a diary. However; due to the camera I shoot with my blog has almost reached the maximum size limit. Not sure where I'm going to have to go from here. It would be a sad day if I wasn't able to post pictures. So, if you have any ideas about other free websites or blogs that I can use I would greatly appreciate it.

Peanut...7m old

Is crawling fast, has two bottom teeth, is standing himself up, can go from crawling to sitting and said dada dada dada!

Pickle said...

Pret Hair Mama. Gotta love having a girl.

Back to the cold...

We just got home from spending 10 days plus one day (beyond our control) in Pensacola, Florida. Pensacola, Florida is right on the boarder of Alabama. I think the total population of the area is around 56,000 people. Where we live the population is around 200,000 and we think that is small. Anyway, the area was wiped out by hurricane Ivan in 2005. It's still being rebuilt and put back together. The beaches are white, pristine, desolate, absolutely beautiful! It is the most beautiful sand I have ever seen. The water isn't as beautiful as Hawaii but the actual beach is breathtaking. White and as fine as salt.

It's definitely in the south and much more southern then I ever experienced in Texas. Just a different kinda south I guess. Big D hasn't spent much time in the South nor at a beach. It was a little bit of a shell shock to him. Growing up I spent a lot of time in the Gulf with my dad so, I was very familiar to the beach. I can lay on the beach for hours soaking up the sun. But Big D on the other hand was over the beach by hour one. At one point he asked me "what do you do on the beach?" My response was "sit back and relax, take in the sun and fresh air." He was dying from the heat and humidity.

Pickle and Peanut were terrified of the waves. Peanut couldn't eat enough sand and Pickle being as particular as she is was a little annoyed at it sticking to her. Each day we would go through the same things with both kids in tears and holding on to us for dear life.

That was until we discovered the bay on the boarder of AL. It was calm and we had a blast playing in the water until we realized it was infested with jellyfish ( I actually got mildly stung....OUCH). Anyway, we wish we discovered the bay sooner.

Big Mama was so happy having us visit. She cooked our favorite sticky rice and salty meat to take to the beach everyday.

What we realized was....we aren't big beach people, I know hard to understand. We actually enjoy a little more active vacations. Our favorite vacation spot still remains Switzerland and Italy! Sorry Mom!

Back to reality....

Where do I begin? Well, as most of you know my family came to visit for 5 weeks this summer. If any of you know my family....we are a big bunch of busy Asians! We are ALWAYS on the go. We aren't the type of people to find sitting on the couch watching TV (nothing personal), we are just a bunch of busy bodies! During the five weeks we made use of every last second. Rockies Game, Shopping, Garden of the Gods multiple times, Shopping, Concert in the Park...twice, a few different malls, Shopping, Six Flags, Shopping, Family BBQ, Potluck with Friends and a lot of eating my mom's cooking. It doesn't sound like a lot but by the time the five weeks was over I was exhausted!

This was the first time we have all been together since 2004, we had a reunion in San Diego where my Dad was able to be part of. We all thought of my Dad and knew he would have loved to be here with all his kids (excluding Nok, she couldn't make it out). There were many times we thought about him and we all knew he was with us just in a different kinda way. We all had so much fun hanging out together. Naree's family got to meet Dessa and Peanut for the first time and got to experience Pickle in her own environment. Pickle couldn't get enough of the girls which she called the Nana's and she called Naree "MOM", (I told Naree that Pickle thought she was my Mom...ha). Pickle kept everyone on their toes and kept the girls running after her. Dessa was talking it all in and won everyone over with her sweet demeanor. Peanut was an absolute LOVE MUFFIN (he's like his dad)! He won over all the ladies with his sweet little smile and his cuddly nature.

We managed to get together with the Kessler's for a BBQ. It was awesome to have almost everyone in one picture. And at one point we had 8 of 9 grandkids in one picture (Nok's youngest Victor who is 9 couldn't make it out). The grandkids are spread out 22 years. Melissa 22, Timmy 20, Jennifer 14, Ali 12, Vanessa 9, Dessa 23m, Pickle 23m and Peanut 6m. Unfortunately, my mom who we call Big Mama wasn't there for the 8 being all together but was there to see them all at different times.

Naree was here for 5 weeks, Ali and Vanessa 4 weeks, our mom 3 weeks (which was a huge miracle she took off work that long, she's a workaholic), Urs and Jen 3 weeks, Tom (my mom's husband) 2 weeks, Melissa and Timmy (my other sister Nok's kids) 4 days ( 2 spent driving back and forth to the airport) and Stephen is in town so he was back and forth from D town. Crazy huh? All in and out of my house while it was on the market. Yes, I said it...it was on the MARKET the entire 5 weeks. I survived them with a smile and they all managed to survive me and my neurotic tendencies. I have a tendency to be a little neurotic about my house and my surroundings. They lived through it all.

Well, I feel like the past 4 weeks have been spent getting the kids back on schedule, the house deep cleaned and pulling myself out of a funk. When I get depressed I become kinda mean, I DON'T like to talk about it, I pull away from everyone and I like to just sit in my own funk until I can pull myself out. I always pull out but it just takes me a little while. If I can just state....It's sad that we are all so far away, it's sad that I have the best sister in the world and she is on the other side of the world, it's sad that I can't do things like go to my nieces gymnastic meets, ice skating competitions, horse vaulting shows and it's sad that when Pickle calls for Mom and Nana's that she can't understand where they have gone. I know, I know, I know at least I have them, at least I have a sister with a relationship like we have, at least when we get together we take off where we left off. I just needed a minute to sulk in my funk and basically bitch ;-)

Tomorrow we leave for 10 days in FL. We need a vacation from the vacation. Big D has never been and I'm looking forward to escaping for a little while and soaking up the sun!

Coming together....

This picture makes me happy! It's special to me in a way I can't explain. It represents forgiveness, strength, love and understanding.

Where did the time go? My nieces are growing up to be little women....

The past 14 years have flown by. I can't believe my oldest niece/god child will be 15. All three of my nieces are like my own kids. It's crazy how close we all are. Thankfully I have been to Switzerland a million times to really absorb their lifestyle and experience their childhood. They have grown up so fast and have become beautiful people. All totally different but the way they come together is amazing. The look out for each other, they take care of each other and most importantly they respect each other. I only pray that my children will have that same bond. I know nothing will EVER come between these three sisters.

Jen is a beautiful inside and out, innocent, in-tune to animals and a very caring person.
Ali is my little fashion diva. She is determined, an over achiever, and has the ability to just LAUGH.
Vanessa is the youngest, a cuddle bug, a jokester and very sensitive to people around her.

And last but not least, Naree is strong, funny, determined, organized, and the life of a party.

Melissa and Timmy..

Here are two great kids. Unfortunately, we don't see them very often. They both go to ASU and have grown up to be very responsible adults.

It just goes to show that sometimes the hurdles in life make you a better person. Timmy has been cleared for 3 years now from the worst case of throat cancer they had ever seen in a child. He was blessed enough to be seen at the Mayo Institute. They used his case to educate Doctors. They aggressively treated it and he fully recovered. I have never met a more positive kid, he definitely lives his life with glass is half full approach. He is one of the most uplifting kids I have ever met. And his sister.....she is like his Mom and always checks on her little brother. They have a very strong bond and together they accomplish so much. It just goes to show you there is a GOD!

Get together with the friends....

Look at all those people....wow, great photo!

Rockies Game...

This was the first baseball game for the Rueegg's We had a blast!

Peanut 4 months

Can I brag for a minute and say God gives me easy babies. I think you are given what you can handle and I suppose God only thinks I can handle easy babies. I thought Pickle was easy but Peanut is so easy you can forget he is even there. He has the sweetest nature. And big sister loves him to pieces. She's almost is a little too nurturing at times. She doesn't understand the whole concept of she's bigger then him. The latest is her wanting to pick him up and hold him. And he just looks up at big sis and smiles. And I love the fact that they are only 16m. apart.

Memories that impact your life...

In four more days I get to see my big (little) sister that I haven't seen in 14 months. Every time I see her it gets better and better. I used to be that bratty little sister (8 years younger) that she would have to lug around everywhere she went. I would go EVERYWHERE with her. I became famous amongst her high school friends...she was the one who had the little sister who would put on a show and dance for everyone. I can remember it clear as day....I would get hoaxed up by her friends to do what I used to call the snake. They would laugh, hoot and clap for me to do it again. I can even remember her friends names...Margie...Anne...Amy...Cindy...Bernie...Mark. My fondest memories of when we were young was when she would get her babysitting money and we would walk to the closest strip mall to this little toy shop. She would say "pick out a barbie and I will treat you". She would work hard for that money but would ALWAYS treat me to something special. Then we would walk to the 7-11 around the corner and get a slurpie and then proceed home for her to cook me dinner. It's funny the things that impact your life, the memories that will never be forgotten and the way those things made you feel at the time and still do.

When you thought I wasn't looking....

A message every adult should read because children
are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my
first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately
wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a
stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind
to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my
favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little
things can be the special things in life..

When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a
prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always
talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a
meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I
learned that we all have to help take care of each
other.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of
your time and money to help people who had nothing,
and I learned that those who have something should
give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take care
of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have
to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how you
handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't
feel good, and I learned that I would have to be
responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come
from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things
hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you
cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of
life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and
productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you and
wanted to say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when
you thought I wasn't looking.'

LITTLE EYES SEE A LOT..

Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, & friend)
influences the life of a child.

How will you touch the life of someone today?
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.