God said it.....

What I'm about to blog is strong and emotional.  It's raw and the truth.  What I'm about to share is personal and very close to my heart.  If I'm blogging about it it's your invitation into my heart.  and like I always say....this may not be your way but it works for me.

Pickle was walking around this weekend saying "God said it, I believe it."  I instantly thought to myself......what in the world?  Big D and I kept looking at each other like WHAT THE HECK???  Is she working as God's messenger to spread the word of the lord?  Is it a sign that we need to find a little more faith in our lives?  Well, I figured it out.....I got Pickle a new children's CD at the Goodwill this past week and she has memorized the word to this song.  I know a few people are reading this and saying, " I told you Frankie, that's how he works."  Two girls in particular know me and now that the word God used to make me a bit nervous.

Either way, I'm taking it as my sign.  I wasn't raised as an atheist but I also wasn't raised believing in God.  Does that make sense?  My Dad was raised Christian and my Mom was raised Buddhist.  My Dad turned away from Christianity and I believe he was saved on his death bed.  I experienced the work of God in the last hour of my Dad's life.

Okay, let me clarify a few things and start from square one.  I NEVER went to church as child (except one time with my big sis) but never with my Dad.  I went to the Buddhist temple with my Mom as a young girl but wasn't explained any part of the Buddhist religion.  For all I knew we brought the Monk's food and we all had a Thai feast.  My Mom will say she believes in God and that she is Buddhist.  So, you could say my Mom is Christian/Buddhist?  I have taken a few college courses on religion trying to understand "religion."

Heres where the story begins.  For 4 years of my adult life I trained with Billy Blanks (the creator of Tae Bo) at his studio in Sherman Oaks, California.  What does this have to do with anything?  Billy Blanks will directly say that he uses Tae Bo as a way to spread the word of the Lord.  Billy Blanks was proud of his Christianity beliefs and was very vocal about his beliefs.  At first this was a little bit of a shock to me.  Yes, I was there to train for Tae Bo however; Billy is an amazing speaker and you get sucked in within the first few minutes.  Billy Blanks shared his experience with being "saved" and how God changed his life.  His famous quote is "walk by faith not by sight."  Anyway, after each time I trained with Billy I was touched and changed by his stories.  He is one of those guys that you can look into their eyes and see into their soul.  Every year when Tae Bo certification took place I felt like I was changing emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally.  The term "blood, sweat and tears" applied to every aspect of the certification process.   We would workout for 8-10 hours a day and the only thing that got me though those extreme workouts was "faith."  Faith in what?  I still was looking for the answers.
 
 After sometime had passed I was chosen by Billy Blanks team in to work with a group of  military women in Colorado.  Billy Blanks would be flying out to get this program started.  When Billy laid eyes on me he knew something was wrong.  He asked me "girlfriend, what's going on with you?"  I instantly burst into tears.  I explained to Billy that my Dad was given 6 months to live and that he had lung cancer.  After a long talk Billy and his daughter Shelly asked what they could do for me.  I pleaded that I wanted to pray with them.  Billy said "right here?  right now?"  Yep!  Shelly went and got her Dad's bible and Billy opened it up.  He asked me if I have accepted the Lord as my savior?  I stated "No, but I'm ready."  Billy handed his bible to Shelly, the three of us held hands in the middle of a gym and Shelly started reading.  Shelly was crying, I was crying and Billy Blanks had a few tears in his eye.  It was emotional and it was the best feeling I have every experienced.  Indescribable!

Afterwards, Billy said to me "girl, I always knew you had it in you."  And he handed me his Bible and told me to take good care of it.

The story goes on.......as most of you know my Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in April 2005.  He had retired and moved to South Padre Island.  After 3 months of living his dream beach life he was given 6 months to live.  As most of you know, this was heartbreaking for me.  My Dad and I had a bond that words wouldn't give justice.

Big D and I wanted to do hospice for my Dad in our house.  We were newly married but wanted my Dad with us in his final days.  I can honestly say, the last 6 months of his life was spent in pure pain.  I would pray every single day for God to come for my Dad.  Nobody should ever ever ever have to suffer the way my Dad did.  Thankfully God gave me the strength I needed to take care of him and stay strong for everyone around me.

Now I'm finally able to piece it all together.  Part of hospice care is to receive any and all the help you need during the final days.  I asked my Dad if the chaplain could come to the house for visits.  My Dad refused and said he didn't need it.  After about 6 months passed he finally said "buggy, you can have the chaplain come if it will help you."  On October 27, 2005 at four o'clock I scheduled an appointment for the chaplain to come visit my Dad and I.  Little did I know that on October 26, 2005 my Dad took a turn for the worst.  I knew his days were limited and called family to come spend the last hours with him.  Forgetting that I had made the apt with the chaplain, he showed up as planned on October 27 at 4pm.  My Dad hadn't opened his eyes for the last two days.  I sat by his side and explained that the chaplain was here for our visit.  I asked my Dad if he wanted to ask to be saved?  He didn't open his eyes but he squeezed my hand.  The chaplain started praying for God to be my Dad's savior and my Dad finally opened his eyes for a moment and gazed out of the window.  I witnessed God's work and knew this wasn't a coincidence.  Around 7pm on October 27, 2005 my Dad held my brother's hand and let me hold his hand.  I told him that I promised that we would be okay and that it was okay for him to go.  He opened his eyes one last time and looked out the window and followed the light.

May he rest in peace and he will never be forgotten!

Big and tiny.....

One day I will cherish the smallness of these photos.

I know that I always say this but Peanut is such a LOVE!  He is so sensitive and sweet.  He admires his big sister.  He follows her around.  He cracks up at her.  She also loves and watches out for him (most of the time).

Pickle is such a Daddy's girl.  That's why I was given Peanut, someone to admire me and love me.

Seriously.....

When I was a little girl I used to change my clothes a hundred times a day.  It used to drive my sister crazy!  Can I just stress the word CRAZY!  I was very particular about my clothes.  My Mom used to make a large portion of my clothes.  Once, I asked my Mom if she could make my jeans tighter and make them 5 pocket jeans (like the ones in the store).  My Mom used to add that label to my clothes that said "made especially by Mom."  I asked her if she could stop putting that in my clothes.  I wanted "store bought clothes."  Who knew one day that I would cherish things handmade by Mom.

Well, it's officially true....you are given kids that are like you.  It's to torture you!  God wants you to know what your parents went through.  Pickle is so picky about her clothes.  Now this is something I wouldn't teach her....hello!  I thought a good way to save money was to buy a snowsuit/jacket that was black so next year Peanut could wear it.  I figured, who cares if she is in a boy snowsuit.  Well, when it snowed I pulled it out.  She started screaming "no mama no mama thats Bubba's."  Seriously?  This isn't the first time she has done this.  I really didn't realize that a 2yr old had clothing preferences.  I did give her a few options when this photo was taken.  But she added the glasses and the fur vest.  Go figure!

Mom of the year.....

I was organizing (New Years Resolution) the closet in my bedroom.  Pickle was playing around in the bedroom.  I heard a bottle of what sounded like vitamins tipping over.  By the time I turned the corner Pickle had a mouthful of pills in her mouth.  I SCREAMED bloody murder which totally freaked out Pickle.  This was a good thing because she then SCREAMED and the pills went flying out of her mouth.  I instantly counted the pills on the floor to find there were only 7 left.  I assumed she swallowed around 10 pills.  Big D was nowhere to find so, I instantly called my friend (Elle) who lives 3 houses down to see if she could come down and stay with Peanut so I could take Pickle to the ER.  I was still sobbing and so was Pickle.  Elle has this amazing way of staying calm, even in the midst of a major emergency.  Once her daughter got bit by a really really big dog at my house (that I was watching).  As I was freaking out, she stayed calm.  I don't know how she does it?  I suppose having 4 kids might help her a bit, or maybe being a OB nurse for years helps, anyhoo who knows how she has this gift of staying calm??  Through my sobbing I say "can you come down and watch Peanut? Pickle just swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills."  Elle says "what kind?"  I answer "homeopathic ones, sniff sniff."  Elle says "did you call poison control??"  I answer "who?"  Elle says "call poison control and call me back."  Okay, poison control NEVER came to mind.

I call poison control and they said I have nothing to worry about and that I was really lucky that they are non-toxic.  THANK GOD!

I felt horrible!  I felt like the worst mother in the world!  I felt like I failed.  Then I was reassured by all of my wonderful friends that yes, indeed I'm a great mom.  And that it could have happened to anyone.

And for the record........Pickle was hyped up all night long.  It was like she ate a gallon of sugar.  I guess they are mental.........