Girls will be girls....

This was taken shortly after Dessa put a tub of Vaseline in her hair......

Boys will be boys....

Peanut....13months old.  This kid can EAT!

Hmm...should I worry???

Looks like she is taking control of the situation.  I wonder what they are cooking her?

This hurts me it's so cute....

Before I got to bed....

It's gotta be a mom thing.  Before I go to bed, I walk across the hallway and open P&P's doors.  I love standing at the edge of the crib/toddler bed.  I stand there until my eyes adjust to see their little belly's fill up with air.  I have kids that are fairly light sleepers, so I can't touch them without them rolling around and sometimes opening their eyes so, I just stand and wait to hear that deep breath in and out.  The sound of them sleeping is the most comforting sound and feeling.  Can't really explain it but it feels good!

My Dad used to say....

"If you don't have any expectations, you will never be disappointed".

"If someone talks to you about someone.....I guarantee they are taking about you to someone else".

Before/After

A fun effect....

Before/After....

Here I wanted to emphasize Peanut's lashes.....this is a antique bw....

Before/After....

This is my new photo editing software; it's an amazing program that works with CS4 (photoshop).  I LOVE black and white photos because it's almost impossible for the photo to ever look dated.  It's a classic look all of the time!  My biggest annoyance was converting to bw and for the people in the photo to look grey.  The face isn't grey here compared to most bw options.  

I also wanted a more dramatic effect with the photo.  Professional editing is very time consuming; definitely not for everyday shots.  But well worth it in the end for your favorite shots!  

Conversation goes like this......

Me: "I used to be cute"
Big D: "What do you mean....your still cute in a mom kinda way."

Seriously?

Too close for comfort....

If it feels too close for comfort, it probabley is!  And once you open the door, it's hard to close.

I don't see you.....

My cousin was playing a game with Pickle....she would take her glasses off and say "I don't see you, I don't see you" then put her glasses back on and say "there you are."
A few days later Pickle, being the quick one that she is was eating dinner.  I told her to eat her broccolli and guess what she said to me....."mama, I don't see it, I don't see it, I don't see it."  Really?  Are two year old that quick?

Tracey, the other thing she is doing is washing every pair of glasses she can get her hands on.  Well, ring around the rosy.  

Dear God....

Pickle said "Dear God, thank you for strawberries."  That is honestly the cutest thing I have ever heard.  As my Dad would say "bless her little heart."

Happy 1st Little Peanut...

We celebrated Peanut's first birthday this past weekend with family.  Honestly, first birthday parties are just for the parents.  He could careless that there was a party for him.  Pickle was more excited for Bubba's birthday, she kept saying "Happy New Year Bubba."  It was cute to see how excited she was for the celebration which made up for his lack of interest.  He had no interest in opening presents and he definitely wouldn't touch his doggie cupcakes.  He was more interested in eating meatballs (he ate 5) then eating cake.  Really?  All that hard work for homemade dog cupcakes and he wouldn't even taste one?  His cousin and big sister handled opening all the presents and come to find out, he loved a big orange rubber ball the most!

It touched us to have a lot of our family here for the celebration.  It meant tons to us!  Thank-you all and we had a great time catching up! 

Lord,

Please grant me the patience, understanding and courage to deal with my strong headed, swift, demanding, inpatient, crafty toddler.

Mama stop talking...peas.....

The latest words out of Pickle's mouth...

"Mama, stop talking peas!"


"Daddy, no talk to mama."

We are washing our hands in a public restroom.  I said "Pickle the paper towels are ALL GONE" and Pickle says "mama EMPTY."

"Cool hat mama!"  Gotta love a girl that knows her style.

"I like to move it move it" and "shake it"  As her butt is wiggling and shaking.

"Mama mama mama, PEE PEE"  Where?  "In your bed....SHUCKS."  "SHUCKS mama AXE-EYE- DENT."


"Good morning SUGAR Daddy."  I call her and Peanut both sugars but she doesn't quite understand that Daddy's and sugar shouldn't be combined in the same sentence.

"No dark, no dark, no dark."  "Peas sunshine stay!"

She grabs Big D's nose and says "wiggle, wiggle, wiggle" while he is sleeping.

And the best one yet.....we are walking through Target (imagine that) and Pickle says as she is tickling Bubba's toes "HELLO STINKY BOY, HELLO STINKY BOY, HELLO STINKY BOY"  
I say to her "Pickle, Bubba isn't stinky."  And Pickle says "daddy no stinky, illy no stinky, mama no stinky but BUBBA IS STINKY."  I could hear people laughing across the aisles.  And I had a hard time keeping a straight face!

Dear Peanut,

You turned one today and I'm amazed at how quickly the year has gone.  I'm a very sentimental person when I think of you and Pickle growing up.  Yes, I know it's a wonderful thing however; I would love to keep you small forever!  I have been a Mommy now for 2 years and 4 months and can I just say.....It has changed me forever, it has given me a new perspective on life, it has helped me celebrate living, I was filled with sadness from loosing the life of my Dad and now feel blessed for gaining the lives of you two precious angels, I'm able to understand things better, it has made me a better person, it has made me slow down, it has taught me patience (I have more patience then I ever thought was possible), and most importantly it has made my heart grow even bigger then it already was.

You are a little bundle of love!  You have a sweet lovable nature, your sensitive, you love to be held (by Mommy), your a little bit of a Momma's boy (ahhh too bad), your always looking for your sissy, you have the biggest brown puppy dog eyes with lashes to die for, when you wake up from you nap your sister goes running into your room and you get the hugest grin on your face, you love your doggie Daisy but you don't like her to get too close, your scared of other people's dogs, we think you have a hallow leg because you can eat more food then your sister (you once ate a 6" meatball sub), when you laugh it makes you crack up, you have no interest in walking (why would you when I carry you everywhere because I'm chasing your sis), you love playing with cars and balls (proves to me it's genetic), you have an arm like your Dad's and you throw EVERYTHING, you are getting to me a bit more ornery yet your smile and sweet nature lets you get away with just about anything.

Even though you are one now, you are still my little baby boy.  I cherish you and count my blessings everyday.

Happy Birthday lil' man!

Double trouble......

He's going to do anything that she tells him to do.  She already bosses him and he adores her attention!

She's showing signs of hoarding.....

Have you seen the TV show on A&E...Hoarders?  It's appalling, it's nauseating, it gives me anxiety!  Do you think people on the show started like this when they were toddlers?

Make believe......

The developmental side of babies and toddlers has been absolutely amazing to me.  Pickle has always been an over achiever and Peanut is too much of a love muffin to worry about getting things done early.  I love having kids because it gives you an opportunity to be a kid.  You have to stop normal life, get on the floor, and just play, play and play.   If you are around 2 yr olds you will know this is a huge milestone.  Today, Pickle laid her monkey on a table.  Said "Monkey has a tummy ache,"  ran and got her Fisher-price Dr. kit, came back and starting taking Monkeys vitals.  How exited was I?????  We are one step closer to playing house!

A book worth reading.....

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel.  I read this book years ago in college.  And recently someone recommended it to me. I must revisit!

Agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Agreement 4

Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Somewhere new....

As much as I don't like change, I love change.  I'm a creature of habit with somethings in my life but with other things I can change daily.  We moved 80 miles away from my hometown.  It doesn't seem far, but to me it's really far!  I'm still friends with all of my jr. high/high school friends and if I may say....I have a ton of friends that I have gotten close with outside of high school.    I would have to say, I'm a pretty social person.  In my single life, I had plans all the time and in my married life with kids, I still have plans just different ones.  Anyway, I grew up in the Metropolitan area of my old city and moved to what seems like a really small city.  My newer city has a somewhat small town mentality.  There is a large military influence and a large religious influence.

I have only lived in this city for 3 years and the entire time I was thinking it would be temporary and that we would be able to move back to the big city within 5 years.  Well, plans have changed.  We have decided to stay in our new small city.  It feels a little safer, there isn't traffic, the cost of living is drastically lower (we were able to buy a house double the size that we would have been able to buy in the big city).  I have made a lot of Mommy friends, and a few really great friends.  Most of my new friends are in my same shoes, they are living a similar life, and most importantly they understand.  They are also new to this city.  As much as I miss my old city, it's just a hop, skip and a jump away.  I miss seeing my best friends more often but one thing I have to remember is they are just a phone call away.

Mommy wait....

I was getting ready to go to Target.  I asked Pickle "do you want to go to Target with Mommy?"  Pickle says "Mommy clothes!"  She runs to her room and picks out something to wear.  Then she comes running back to me dressed.  She then realized that she didn't put any underwear on.  Pickle says "Mommy panties!"  She runs back to her room and gets her panties.  She come running back to my room takes off her clothes, puts her panties on, then puts her clothes back on.  I ask her "are you ready?"  Pickle screams "Mommy WAIT," she runs to the closet in my bathroom, opens the door, grabs a Maxi-Pad, runs to the toilet, and stuffs in down her pants.  She runs out of the bathroom and says "Mommy READY now."

Something that changed me forever......

Over a decade ago it was two weeks before my birthday I was having dinner with my two best friends.  I told them that I had a dream that I was killed in a car accident.  I explained that I was thrown out of a car and another car rolled on top of me.  The dream was so real, it's hard to explain.  I told them that I knew that I was going to die and that I needed them to tell my family that I was at peace with it.  It sounds so strange to write it down a decade later.  But I knew in my heart that it was going to happen.  It was very emotional for all of us that night.

It was the day of my birthday and I was at a Clinique meeting.  I came home from work to find my Dad standing at the front door.  I will never forget the look on his face.  He put his arm around me and said there was a message from Todd's parents.  I walked over to the answering machine and pushed play.  I collapsed to the ground when I heard Todd's dad's voice, he never said what happened but I already knew.  My Dad held me and I sobbed in his arms.

On my birthday, Todd was killed in a car accident due to drunk driving.  My dream/vision came true and he was thrown out of the car and his car landed on top of him.  The passenger walked away with only a few scratches.  At the time, we weren't dating but we were back and forth like young couples do.  The day before my birthday, I told Todd to stop calling me unless he fully wanted to get back together.  He was heartbroken but not ready to recommit.  I assumed he was out on my birthday drinking himself to oblivion.  I will never know.  I blamed myself for years and finally made peace with what happened.

A few weeks after Todd passed away, his Mom called me and asked me if I knew the code to his safe?  I didn't know the code.  It ended up being my birthday.  How ironic!

If you know me, you know I love my birthday.  And every year I was reminded of the horrible event.  Every year I prayed that Todd could give me my birthday back.  In 2000 my sister was pregnant with her youngest.  She was put on bed rest for quite sometime.  She went into emergency labor on my birthday and gave birth to (what seems to be an angel) Vanessa.  Another how ironic occurrence.  When Vanessa was a little girl (around 4-5) my sister asked her why she was born on my birthday?  Vanessa responded with "so she could be happy again."  She thinks Todd is her angel!

As my birthday approaches I will never ever forget Todd.  I will never forget my 7 years of dating him.  He touched my life in more ways then I could ever explain.  For all the people who knew Todd, they also know how unbelievable of a person he was.  He touched the lives of friends, family and my life forever!

Taadaaa.....

Pickle is a true girly girl.  My Mom always said I was a tom boy but I grew up to be a girly girl.  I like to say you get the best of both world with me, I love to go a week without a shower camping AND I love to be a girl.  Yesterday, I put a skirt on Pickle and she instantly twirled in a circle.  She's damn cute!  Oh, and the back of the skirt is tucked into her Dora panties.  Her butt is totally exposed!

Two people connected that don't even know it......

I have two readers that are connected but don't even know it.  Isn't that strange when you think that everyone is connected by six.  Six degrees of separation.  Right?

Bronze Goddess.....you know Family Style's.....sister in law.  She's named after a kitty.

Have you heard of FAT SMASH.....

It's a diet book written by the Celebrity Fit guy.  It's the first diet that I have actually done that is doable.  There are 3 cycles/weeks that you do then re-do if you want to loose more weight.  I have only done about 1 1/2 weeks and I must say...down 5 lbs!  It's your basic no sugar, no flour gig.  However; the first week you are limited to chicken/fish only a few times.  So after doing diet after diet of eating enough chicken and eggs to start clucking, it was refreshing!  Lots of fruit, beans and veggies!

So, Bronze Goddess.....I know you will be the first to run out and buy it ;-)

Dear Kathleen,

Let me fill my readers in first.......


I have been loosing sleep over this lady I met a few weeks back.  


I have been searching for this Dora Doll House that has been discontinued.  I had been searching for weeks on craigslist and was lucky enough to come across the 60.00 house at the ARC for 1.99!  Wow, major score.  However; it didn't have any of the accessories so I figure I'll continue looking on craigslist.


It's my lucky day....I see a large lot of the Dora accessories listed on craigslist for 20.00!  I was psyched! I set up a time to get the set.  Big D drives me to the house.  Let me say, the house was HUGE in a well to do neighborhood.  The front yard was packed with very expensive little tykes toys.  There were so many toys it looked like a daycare.  At the door is this very nice woman that says, I have a few people here to buy other toys, it will just be a minute.  The other people leave and I ask Kathleen, "do you run a daycare business or something??"  She says "no, I'm in the toy business."  So me being the "good deal girl" ask "please, tell me more."  Kathleen says "I go from thrift store to thrift store buying all the good toys, cleaning them and selling them".  She proceeds to say "I'm an financial accountant and my time is worth at least 25 dollars an hour.  That's what I take into account when I'm driving around picking up the toys and listing them on craigslist."  She asks me "would you like to see the room of toys?"  I of course say sure.  Let me just say the room was filled with what looked like brand new toys and she brags about all the little tyke/step 2 playgrounds that she also found at thrift stores.  I graciously thank her and leave with my small bag of Dora accessories.


As we drive off I say to Big D "that doesn't settle well with me."  All night long I replay the conversation, the huge house, the 25 bucks an hour, the massive amounts of toys and the families out there that actually are only able to shop at the local thrift stores.  I call my sister the next day and explain what happened.  Big Sis put it perfect "so this lady steals from the poor and sells it to the middle class."  Yeah, that's basically it!  


Okay the story goes on.......I was shopping at the ARC this week and I see all the good toys with SOLD tags on them.  I instantly think to myself....that's the stupid toy thief lady.  In particular, I see a toy-box with a 8.99 tag on it with the SOLD tag on it.  The very next day on craigslist it's listed at 60 bucks.  Ugh, the nerve.  And all the other toys I saw with SOLD tags were also listed by her on craigslist.


This is exactly my problem.  I just can't let it go.  Especially people that I feel are immoral.  I loose sleep and I let it fester inside of me.  So, I can do one of two things......beat her to the thrift stores and buy the good toys OR write the letter and let it go.


So, this is my letter to her........to officially get it off my chest.


Kathleen, 

I wanted to let you know I purchased the Dora doll house accessories from you awhile back.  

You mentioned to me proudly that you go from thrift store to thrift store buying all the good toys, taking them home and cleaning them up.  And that your time is worth at least 25 dollars an hour to clean the toys.  I have been thinking a lot about your business.  I was reminded when I was shopping at the ARC this week and saw a SOLD tag on a similar  toy-box/book shelf.  I was interested in buying this and noticed the price tag at 8.99.  IF this is the same toy-box I noticed that you have listed it at a 50 dollar mark-up.  Quite a lucrative business!!!

Regardless, after thinking about your business and talking with others, I feel your toy business in completely unethical.  I feel that you are taking from the economically disadvantaged and selling at a major profit to the middle class.  In this economy there are so many families struggling out there and really needing to turn to places like the ARC and Goodwill to buy for their children.  And when you clean through their toy departments it makes it very difficult for the less advantaged.

  

I personally donate my children's old toys to the Goodwill/ARC to help others in need not to help someone like you run a lucrative business.  

Either way, this is your personal business, I don't have to agree with it but I'm entitled to voice my opinions and concerns.

Regards, 

Frankie

No hair.....

I got home from the gym around 7am and the house was silent.  Not a peep.  I opened Pickle's door to find her hair was covered in something that looked like a tub of Vaseline.  As I got a little closer my sinuses instantly cleared up and I realized "that's Vick's vapor rub."  I instantly explained "Pickle, this stuff is for tummy's and noses not hair."  For the entire week her hair looked like it was soaking wet.  I think we washed her hair a hundred times last week, we even tried dish detergent.

The very next day after nap-time I heard her wake up and start playing.  Not unusual for her to play alone in her room for a few minutes.  Well, it was a little too quiet for too long.
This is what I walked into.....and she said "mama, tummy, face but NO HAIR."

Pickle, if you.....

Pickle if you go poo poo on the pottty I will give you a piece of chocolate. "NO CHOCOLATE" How about a sucker?  "NO SUCKER"  Then Pickle what do you want?  "HUGS mama, HUGS HUGS HUGS"

Gotta love it!

God said it.....

What I'm about to blog is strong and emotional.  It's raw and the truth.  What I'm about to share is personal and very close to my heart.  If I'm blogging about it it's your invitation into my heart.  and like I always say....this may not be your way but it works for me.

Pickle was walking around this weekend saying "God said it, I believe it."  I instantly thought to myself......what in the world?  Big D and I kept looking at each other like WHAT THE HECK???  Is she working as God's messenger to spread the word of the lord?  Is it a sign that we need to find a little more faith in our lives?  Well, I figured it out.....I got Pickle a new children's CD at the Goodwill this past week and she has memorized the word to this song.  I know a few people are reading this and saying, " I told you Frankie, that's how he works."  Two girls in particular know me and now that the word God used to make me a bit nervous.

Either way, I'm taking it as my sign.  I wasn't raised as an atheist but I also wasn't raised believing in God.  Does that make sense?  My Dad was raised Christian and my Mom was raised Buddhist.  My Dad turned away from Christianity and I believe he was saved on his death bed.  I experienced the work of God in the last hour of my Dad's life.

Okay, let me clarify a few things and start from square one.  I NEVER went to church as child (except one time with my big sis) but never with my Dad.  I went to the Buddhist temple with my Mom as a young girl but wasn't explained any part of the Buddhist religion.  For all I knew we brought the Monk's food and we all had a Thai feast.  My Mom will say she believes in God and that she is Buddhist.  So, you could say my Mom is Christian/Buddhist?  I have taken a few college courses on religion trying to understand "religion."

Heres where the story begins.  For 4 years of my adult life I trained with Billy Blanks (the creator of Tae Bo) at his studio in Sherman Oaks, California.  What does this have to do with anything?  Billy Blanks will directly say that he uses Tae Bo as a way to spread the word of the Lord.  Billy Blanks was proud of his Christianity beliefs and was very vocal about his beliefs.  At first this was a little bit of a shock to me.  Yes, I was there to train for Tae Bo however; Billy is an amazing speaker and you get sucked in within the first few minutes.  Billy Blanks shared his experience with being "saved" and how God changed his life.  His famous quote is "walk by faith not by sight."  Anyway, after each time I trained with Billy I was touched and changed by his stories.  He is one of those guys that you can look into their eyes and see into their soul.  Every year when Tae Bo certification took place I felt like I was changing emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally.  The term "blood, sweat and tears" applied to every aspect of the certification process.   We would workout for 8-10 hours a day and the only thing that got me though those extreme workouts was "faith."  Faith in what?  I still was looking for the answers.
 
 After sometime had passed I was chosen by Billy Blanks team in to work with a group of  military women in Colorado.  Billy Blanks would be flying out to get this program started.  When Billy laid eyes on me he knew something was wrong.  He asked me "girlfriend, what's going on with you?"  I instantly burst into tears.  I explained to Billy that my Dad was given 6 months to live and that he had lung cancer.  After a long talk Billy and his daughter Shelly asked what they could do for me.  I pleaded that I wanted to pray with them.  Billy said "right here?  right now?"  Yep!  Shelly went and got her Dad's bible and Billy opened it up.  He asked me if I have accepted the Lord as my savior?  I stated "No, but I'm ready."  Billy handed his bible to Shelly, the three of us held hands in the middle of a gym and Shelly started reading.  Shelly was crying, I was crying and Billy Blanks had a few tears in his eye.  It was emotional and it was the best feeling I have every experienced.  Indescribable!

Afterwards, Billy said to me "girl, I always knew you had it in you."  And he handed me his Bible and told me to take good care of it.

The story goes on.......as most of you know my Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in April 2005.  He had retired and moved to South Padre Island.  After 3 months of living his dream beach life he was given 6 months to live.  As most of you know, this was heartbreaking for me.  My Dad and I had a bond that words wouldn't give justice.

Big D and I wanted to do hospice for my Dad in our house.  We were newly married but wanted my Dad with us in his final days.  I can honestly say, the last 6 months of his life was spent in pure pain.  I would pray every single day for God to come for my Dad.  Nobody should ever ever ever have to suffer the way my Dad did.  Thankfully God gave me the strength I needed to take care of him and stay strong for everyone around me.

Now I'm finally able to piece it all together.  Part of hospice care is to receive any and all the help you need during the final days.  I asked my Dad if the chaplain could come to the house for visits.  My Dad refused and said he didn't need it.  After about 6 months passed he finally said "buggy, you can have the chaplain come if it will help you."  On October 27, 2005 at four o'clock I scheduled an appointment for the chaplain to come visit my Dad and I.  Little did I know that on October 26, 2005 my Dad took a turn for the worst.  I knew his days were limited and called family to come spend the last hours with him.  Forgetting that I had made the apt with the chaplain, he showed up as planned on October 27 at 4pm.  My Dad hadn't opened his eyes for the last two days.  I sat by his side and explained that the chaplain was here for our visit.  I asked my Dad if he wanted to ask to be saved?  He didn't open his eyes but he squeezed my hand.  The chaplain started praying for God to be my Dad's savior and my Dad finally opened his eyes for a moment and gazed out of the window.  I witnessed God's work and knew this wasn't a coincidence.  Around 7pm on October 27, 2005 my Dad held my brother's hand and let me hold his hand.  I told him that I promised that we would be okay and that it was okay for him to go.  He opened his eyes one last time and looked out the window and followed the light.

May he rest in peace and he will never be forgotten!

Big and tiny.....

One day I will cherish the smallness of these photos.

I know that I always say this but Peanut is such a LOVE!  He is so sensitive and sweet.  He admires his big sister.  He follows her around.  He cracks up at her.  She also loves and watches out for him (most of the time).

Pickle is such a Daddy's girl.  That's why I was given Peanut, someone to admire me and love me.

Seriously.....

When I was a little girl I used to change my clothes a hundred times a day.  It used to drive my sister crazy!  Can I just stress the word CRAZY!  I was very particular about my clothes.  My Mom used to make a large portion of my clothes.  Once, I asked my Mom if she could make my jeans tighter and make them 5 pocket jeans (like the ones in the store).  My Mom used to add that label to my clothes that said "made especially by Mom."  I asked her if she could stop putting that in my clothes.  I wanted "store bought clothes."  Who knew one day that I would cherish things handmade by Mom.

Well, it's officially true....you are given kids that are like you.  It's to torture you!  God wants you to know what your parents went through.  Pickle is so picky about her clothes.  Now this is something I wouldn't teach her....hello!  I thought a good way to save money was to buy a snowsuit/jacket that was black so next year Peanut could wear it.  I figured, who cares if she is in a boy snowsuit.  Well, when it snowed I pulled it out.  She started screaming "no mama no mama thats Bubba's."  Seriously?  This isn't the first time she has done this.  I really didn't realize that a 2yr old had clothing preferences.  I did give her a few options when this photo was taken.  But she added the glasses and the fur vest.  Go figure!

Mom of the year.....

I was organizing (New Years Resolution) the closet in my bedroom.  Pickle was playing around in the bedroom.  I heard a bottle of what sounded like vitamins tipping over.  By the time I turned the corner Pickle had a mouthful of pills in her mouth.  I SCREAMED bloody murder which totally freaked out Pickle.  This was a good thing because she then SCREAMED and the pills went flying out of her mouth.  I instantly counted the pills on the floor to find there were only 7 left.  I assumed she swallowed around 10 pills.  Big D was nowhere to find so, I instantly called my friend (Elle) who lives 3 houses down to see if she could come down and stay with Peanut so I could take Pickle to the ER.  I was still sobbing and so was Pickle.  Elle has this amazing way of staying calm, even in the midst of a major emergency.  Once her daughter got bit by a really really big dog at my house (that I was watching).  As I was freaking out, she stayed calm.  I don't know how she does it?  I suppose having 4 kids might help her a bit, or maybe being a OB nurse for years helps, anyhoo who knows how she has this gift of staying calm??  Through my sobbing I say "can you come down and watch Peanut? Pickle just swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills."  Elle says "what kind?"  I answer "homeopathic ones, sniff sniff."  Elle says "did you call poison control??"  I answer "who?"  Elle says "call poison control and call me back."  Okay, poison control NEVER came to mind.

I call poison control and they said I have nothing to worry about and that I was really lucky that they are non-toxic.  THANK GOD!

I felt horrible!  I felt like the worst mother in the world!  I felt like I failed.  Then I was reassured by all of my wonderful friends that yes, indeed I'm a great mom.  And that it could have happened to anyone.

And for the record........Pickle was hyped up all night long.  It was like she ate a gallon of sugar.  I guess they are mental.........
 

YMCA t-shirts......

I used to get ready to hit the gym.  My old gym outfits consisted of navy shoes for the days my paints were navy and shoes with black on my black pant days.  My shirts used to ALWAYS match the stripe that went down the side of my pants.  I never had to have make-up on because my skin was better.

Today....I did curl my eyelashes because I never leave home without curled lashes.  A touch of foundation on the friend on my nose.  Bobbi Brown light bronzer (but of course).  I now have white shoes which I used to despise (they match everything).  Plain black pants because that stripe down the side of pants only emphasizes your hips.  And sit down....a YMCA t-shirt that was free.

Lord, if you are listening please help me!

Another New Year......

My New Years Resolutions:
1.  to not base my new years resolutions off of exercise, food or a human body

Well this will be short!

2.  clean through one room/closet once a week (purging, cleaning, organizing) and repeat through the year
3.  get rid of out of style clothes/shoes/handbags (who has time to wait for them to come back in style)
4.  get my photography business up and running
5.  wake up and say "TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY!"
6.  not let people who constantly bitch bother me
7.  figure out a plan to go to Thailand for my 40th birthday
8.  accept the city I live in and give it a bigger chance
9.  tell Big D, Pickle and Peanut something I love about them everyday
10.  tell myself something I love about me everyday

I have readers......

Come to find out I have readers.  Imagine that?  Like I said before I don't think my talent lies in writing.  I do think I'm funny but funny looking doesn't count.  Anyway, I'm touched that I have readers out there.  Now, can some of you sign in and make a few comments.  Even the computer illiterate people....it's not that hard and nobody has to see your identity.  It's just one of those things that motivates a blogger to blog more.  

Something happens between baby to man....

I have told you before that Peanut is extremely sensitive.  But let me just reiterate, now I know where the term "mama's boy" comes from.  Mr. Peanut gets his feelings hurt so easily.  Today, my big sis got an idea of what I meant.  We were talking on the phone and I suddenly heard a SCREAM.  I turned the corner to find Peanut laying on the tile floor next to a toy on wheels.  I assume he was standing on it and it slid out from under him and he hit his head on the tile.  Not that I'm comparing but Pickle would have not wanted me to see her crying.  She would have held the tears in until she absolutely couldn't stand the pain and needed to cry.  Oh no, Peanut cries, cries and cries if he gets hurt.  And you can't say it's because he is the youngest.  I didn't do anything different with this kid.  So back to the story, he screams and whimpers.  Calms down, screams again, whimpers again.  Calms down.  We walk by the toy and he relives the experience.  Screaming again, whimpering again, and not to mention doing that thing where you cry and then suck in 3-4 deep breaths of air and burst out crying again.  Then about 10min later he started jabbering and jabbering in a complaining little voice.  You just want to scoop him up and give him LOVE.  He is so dreamy and scrumptious!

So, what happens to males?  When I talk with most of my fiends with boys they all agree that their boys are more sensitive then their girls.  What do we do to our males that makes them grow up to feel like they can't display their emotions?  You don't see men who burst out into tears like women.  Somehow we switch roles.  Women become the criers and men become the tough insensitive ones.    Just a question to think about......

The best two things that have ever happened to me.......

Mama bye bye....

This is how the conversation goes....."mama, no gym....no gym....no gym...no house...no house...no house" I say "where do you want to go?"  Pickle responds "mama store, pock corn."

So, all you Mom's out there, 1.50 buys a combo meal of popcorn and a soda at Target.  Pickle gets a juice box from home and the popcorn and I get peace and quite while I drink my Diet Coke and stroll around Target.

When Big D gets home I tell him "Pickle insisted that we go to Target."  He loves this one.

Sop peas.....

Pickle used to have this thing where when you did something she didn't like she would smack you.  So, I have been working on trying to get her to stop hitting.  This is how it goes "Pickle, when you don't want someone to do something we don't hit, we politely say stop please."  Now, every time I'm doing something she doesn't like she says "sop peas" "sop peas."
I'm brushing her hair and she says "mama, sop peas"
I tickle her and she says "sop peas"
I give her a giant bear hug and she says "sop peas"

I guess she gets my point.

To my bronze goddess friend.....you know who you are....

Blogging can be just another thing on a TO DO LIST.  I often feel like there isn't anyone out there that reads my blog except my darling big sister.  She tells me when I'm slacking, funny, touching and too open.  She says she gets a little obsessed with checking my blog and when there is a post she says "I feel like I just won the lottery."  How sweet is that?  She makes me want to keep blogging.  It's a way for her to feel like she is in the loop from across the world.  


I really don't feel like I can write worth a crap but I try and that's all I can ask of myself.


Anyway, I about peed my pants when I found out that my bronze goddess friend reads my blog with her morning coffee.  I was thrilled, touched and motivated to keep blogging.  That indeed there is another person besides my big sis who reads my blog.


So, this is to you my BOBBI BROWN LIGHT BRONZER friend.
I found myself counting how many Light BB bronzers I had left in the Frankie Store.  I find myself worried everytime I put it on that soon the day will come when I need to actually shell out the 32 bucks and buy one.  It pains me to know that the white tray of tester bronzers are vintage.  It pains me to not be able to go into NM and win a new white tray of BB bronzers.  Nobody else will feel my pain except you.  This is one thing we will always have in common.  And I always think about you and your ten chicken tacos.  And let me know when you are in the hood so I can do your pics!  

Today.....

Pickle got out a roll of Christmas wrapping paper.  Laid it out on the floor.  Went to the pantry and got some animal crackers.  Took the animal crackers to the laid out wrapping paper.  Proceeded to wrap the animal crackers and said "mama, DERDAY (birthday) PARTY."

LOVE BUTTER.....

"Pickle, waffles are so good they don't need butter"  "Mama, LOVE BUTTER!!!!!"

Seriously?

Merry Christmas......

This was by far the BEST Christmas to date.  This was my 34th Christmas and can I just say it was everything I have ever dreamed it would be.  Having kids changes the entire perspective on Christmas.  We had an amazing time with family on Christmas Eve and hanging out at home on Christmas Day.

It was Pickle's 3rd Christmas and she didn't get the whole concept of tearing through presents.  Santa Claus left her the cutest PB metal grocery cart (santa has great taste).  We put her monkey in it and when her eyes laid on it Christmas could have stopped.  She didn't care about anything else.  It was Peanut's first Christmas.  Peanut got a PB chair like Santa brought to his sister last year.  He felt like such a big boy sitting in his new chair.  Mostly Peanut enjoyed playing with the paper.  Pickle loved a car that Peanut got, it's a voice command car.  She loves yelling out orders to this car.  It's really funny to hear "GO CHUCK" "WACH OUT CHUCK!!!"

Both of their stockings are still laying on the floor 4 days later untouched and filled with goodies.  Do you think their a little overwhelmed?

This holiday season we are blessed in more ways then we can count.  I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.  I'm looking forward to a new year as always.  Out with the old and in with the new!

Where are you...........?

"Pickle" no answer,  I shout louder "PICKLE" no answer.  I shout again "Pickle are you hiding????"  Pickle answers, "HIDING, MAMA."

Night at the Ritz Carlton.....

Had a girls night out at the Ritz with some old high school friends.  It was the first time I have ever left Pickle and Peanut overnight.  I lived, I survived.  I missed tucking them in bed and I missed waking up to the sound of "mama."  But this is what I figure, I was single for 31 years of my life.  I have partied, gone out tons, traveled, traveled with the girls, done overnights with the girls spent 31 years being single and loving it at the time.  I have waited my whole life to be married and have kids, I'm going to enjoy my family and not feel guilty if I would rather stay home.

Lottery.....

Someone feels like the just won the lottery!  You are my lucky winner.  You know who you are : )

My favorite part of the day.....

Is when the house absolutely silent and you can hear the coffee maker brew my afternoon coffee.

My other favorite time of the day is when my house is filled with laughter and is so loud it would give some people a headache.

Stinky Mommy....

Today Pickle walked in my room and said "hello stinky mama."

A piece that made me stop and think....hope it does the same to you...

This is an awesome piece.  If you have not read it, take the time to read it now.  If you have read it, take time to read it again! 
                                              

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate. 

  A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.  

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ' I love you ' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
                      George Carlin

Pantry raid.....

Mr. Peanut is the biggest eater I have ever seen.  When he hears us feed Daisy he comes crawling, we have learned to hold him when there is dog food out.  He sneaks dog food in his mouth and you can see his little cheeks chomping.  Other than dog food, he eats things like chili, broccoli, black beans, avocado, pretty much anything you put in front of him.  Pickle didn't know what to think when she saw this one, and Daisy was waiting in line for seconds.

Mr. Santa.....

Santa is going to be at our gym tonight for North Pole night.  I told Pickle and all she can say is "no cinta, no cinta, no cinta."

The day has come.....

So, most of you know that I'm very into clothes.  More so when I was a working gal but clothes are my hobby.  I love piecing together the perfect outfit and, what really gets me off is when I buy something and bring it home to discover it matches perfect with something in my closet.    I love matching.  I get a kick out of finding a assortment of pieces from the same dye lot.  Crazy huh?  Ya know, a shirt that's pink and the exact same pink scarf and so on.  As a kid, my favorite thing was to change outfits.  You can ask my sister, I would leave trails of clothes all over my room and house.

Normally, when I get Pickle dressed I let her pick between two "outfits," yes "outfits."  I have this weird obsession to use pieces and mix and match the pieces.  One day the dress over jeans and the next week the dress layered with something else.  It gives the appearance of having lots of different things and it fills time when I'm bored.  Anyway, she feels proud when she gets to make her selection between the two.  Well, the day has come........Pickle got her outfit on today after a little bit of a struggle.  No biggie, until she got into my sock drawer and picked out a pair of my wild socks and put it over her outfit like leg warmers.  Yes, leg warmers.  I was thinking to myself...phew, at least she picked a pair that matches.   As we were out shopping at JoAnn's she would hike up her leg warmers as far as she could.  It was quite adorable if I may say so myself.  But I was thankful that they did match.  Oh, and the other thing....I was letting her choose at JoAnn's today between monkey fabric for a new room.  I held up two monkey prints, one sea foam green and the other pink.  I sat there is silence, not saying a single word.  I said "lily pick one."  And she picked the pink monkey print and told me that the green one was for Bubba.  I promise, I promise, I promise I have never influenced her in pink whats so ever (even though I love pink).  Ever since I knew Peanut was in my belly we actually stopped buying any girl pj's.  She wears lion, dinosaur red, blue and green to bed with no problems.  But for some reason she knows the difference for her everyday clothes and color preferences.  To be honest, I was secretly hoping she would pick the pink monkey fabric (it's way cuter)!

The other day we went to the gym and she put on 3 plastic glitter headbands over her forehead.  They weren't even touching her hair.  They kept falling into her eyes and it would make her squint.  I watched the monitor as her teacher kept pulling them up and Pickle would pull them down right over her eyes.

The other night she insisted on wearing a bathing suit to bed under her pj's.  This might not sounds so bad until you have 5 seconds notice for potty time.  Oops, just a small accident.

Well, I suppose this is one of those things that I must accept and let her creative side come out.  I want to encourage her and let her discover the possibilities of creating different ensembles.

Believe it or not...

I was able to leave Pickle for 45minutes at the gym's daycare.  I watched her on video monitor and she would go between sucking her thumb (she does it when she is tired or stressed out) to holding her blankie by her face.  The room is split into two sections.  One side is the walking-3yr old side and the other side is separated by a half wall and that is where the babies are.  The entire time she would walk over to the half wall to see her Bubba brother.  A few times I saw her stand on a chair to make sure Bubba was okay.  When I got back to pick her up she said "mama sucker" I promised her a sucker if she didn't cry.  So she must have thought about the dum dum the enitre 45 minutes.  It's funny how independent she is unless we aren't around.

Peanut holds gruges....

The other day P&P were in the tub.  Big P took it upon herself to tell little P to sit down and then she would follow with yanking him down.  This went on for a few minutes until he all of a sudden broke out in tears.  He started screaming and saying "mamamamam"  I pulled him out, went to his room, got him dressed and he was all better.  Big P walked in 15 minutes later to give him a hug when he all of a sudden started reliving the bathtub experience and started crying again.  He kept looking at her with the saddest face I have ever seen.  It took him another good 15 minutes to get over it.  He is the most sensitive little man!

Her social life is more exciting then mine....

We have 3 birthday parties this week alone.  I didn't realize that there were so many 2-3 year old parties.  We have two at My Gym which is pretty darn exciting.  No longer are the days of small celebrations with a paper hat and cupcake.

Pickle said....25m...

This is the stage where Pickle is saying all kinds of funny things.....

A rooster says "how do ya do"

A birthday party is "poo poo party"

Your brother "is nice"

Christmas "cis sis"

And when I ask her about Christmas she always says "Elmo's cis sis, santa dances.....watch peas"

Another funny thing....we went to our cousins birthday party, Doda gave her a ziplock bag of M&M's, she had them in her car-seat, she fell asleep and forgot about them, 2 days later, we went to the car, and she told me "Doda hide chocolate for illy"

Saks Fifth Avenue...

This weekend I worked as a freelance makeup artist at Saks.  I was doing makeup as my clients were being served Champagne, I thought for a second that I was living the wrong life, then I realized I would way rather be served a Starbucks at Super Target any day to have Pickle and Peanut in the cart in front of me vs. at home with the nanny.  The grass seems greener but that isn't necessarily true.

Has it been an entire month.....?????

I haven't been blogging too much lately.  It takes a lot of time and written words don't come easy for me.  So.....here goes in a summary:

Our very best friends in this new city we live in moved far away.  I'm heart broken!  Seriously, heart broken.  It was a couple that we hit it off with from Chi town.  Pickle's best friend, my new town best friend, our hang out couple, and we both had new little Peanuts together.  They don't plan on coming back to the mountains so.....tears of sadness!

Our house is back on the market.  If it sells, it sells and if it doesn't sell, it wasn't meant to be.

I'm officially starting a photography business.  It's my dream, passion and desire.  I have always, always taken pictures for my friends and family.  Ever since my first Nikon film camera back in the early 90's I have been hooked.  I want my career to be my passion and my passion to be my career.  I have always had the "EYE" for photography, now I'm learning the technical side to photography.  My specialty is children and families outdoor.  I like candid work of kids and capturing that special moment for people.  What I noticed is that there isn't a wide range of photography businesses.  There are the high-end photographers who charge 500 for a sitting fee and keep the copyright to the photos then there are the cheesy mall photographers that rope you in with props and a $125 dollar package with their logo.  I want families to come to me more frequent.  I want to sign over my copyright so they can do what they want with the photos, digital scrapbook, make prints for their families and so on.

You can take a look at my work at www.gwinnerphotography.blogspot.com
I'm working on a website but for now I'm blogging my work.  I'll keep you all updated.

Pickle is a 2years old going on 13!  She is a Mess with a capital M!  This is her latest.....I'm kid swapping with another girl and I have her 2 year old and 6m. old.  I'm busy with the babies and the girls are upstairs playing kitchen.  I hear Pickle say that she has to go potty and send her on her way.  Not a big deal for her.  A few minutes later I hear Faank key, Faank key, Faank key HELP.  Then within that same moment I hear water gushing.  I run upstairs to see her holding a plunger in the toilet and water is full blast pouring out on to the floor.  There is about an inch of toilet water covering my bathroom floor.  I turn off the knob behind the toilet.  Pickle starts saying flood, flood, mama flood.  I soak up the toilet water with 15 or so towels and shut the door.  An hour later I'm standing in my dining room downstairs and I hear a drip, drip, drip to find 5+ drip size holes of water dripping all over the floor.  Oops.  This isn't going to help my "I want 3 kids argument when D gets home."

Pickle is amazing, counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 7, 8, 7, 8, 19, 20.  She was in the store and starting yelling Hanney Manney (I suppose she is watching a little too much Nickelodeon, he is a latino handy man for those of you who don't know Handy Maney).  She loves Elmo and Abby and Zoe, I still refuse to dress her in her favorite characters but I'm this close to allowing Elmo pj's.  Yes, I said it.    She pretends to cook mac and cheese with dirt at the park.  She calls her brother "Bubba or Stinky."  She says "Daddy do it" when it's something she doesn't want to do (I'm not reinforcing this behavior).  She constantly says "I tttttttrrrryyyyyyyy (try).  She wakes up in the morning, takes off her pull-up, throws it away, gets panties on, gets dressed, and turns her muzack on loud.  She cried when I tried to put on a boy snow suit ( I tried to save money by buying a black snow suit so Peanut could wear it next year), she said "mama Bubba's".  I HAVE NEVER influenced her choices based off pink or blue.  Not sure where she learned this.  Oh and believe it or not....our little independent one.....screams bloody murder when I drop her off at the cool gym's daycare.  It's the best gym daycare I have ever seen with age separate rooms, fun teachers, stations and she hates it!  I watch her on the video monitor shaking the door and screaming anytime a teacher comes up to comfort her.  I haven't given up yet, they said it takes about a month or so.  I go at 530 to get my workout in and then take her back during the day to try and get her warmed up.  They always come and get me during my workout.  Kinda a pain!  This list of things goes on and on.

Peanut is the most sensitive little guy.  He gets his feelings hurt so easily.  Especially if Pickle does something to him.  He stays mad for awhile and when she comes over to give him a hug, he whimpers and looks for his mama.  He is a total Mama's boy!  Little man is sweet, lovable, happy, easygoing, and is always laughing.  Peanut is getting into everything!  He is cruising along the furniture, crawling at full speed, saying Dada and Baba.  He's a total talker.  He is totally intrigued by Daisy.  He watches her and laughs hysterically.  He has already found his special blankie that Big mama made for him.  He sucks his ring finger and middle finger together like he's throwing gang signs.  He's a sleeper like his big sis was.  He is determined and I mean DETERMINED.  He gets an idea and doesn't forget about it.  He will go after something until he has it in his hand.  He has 4 top teeth and 2 bottom.  And most importantly, he lets his mommy rock him before bed ;-)        

Big D is staying busy with work and has really taken an interest in my photography business.  He has been researching professional camera equipment, learning the in's and out's of photoshop cs4 and lightroom and is learning how to take better pictures.  It's nice to have his support and encouragement.

And me????  I'm working on making myself a better person.  Life is too short to be angry, bitter and sad about things in the past that you can't change.
I'm at a point where I'm trying to focus on myself to make myself a happier individual.  The happier I am the more I can give to my husband and children.  I'm tired of trying to make other people happy (Big D, Pickle and Peanut excluded).  I'm over negative people that blame everyone else for their unhappiness.  I'm focusing on the new year ahead and I refuse to look back at my life to see that I gave to everyone except myself.
Heres a few quotes that made me think.....

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.  ~Jan Glidewell


Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.  ~Cherokee Indian Proverb



Often we don't realize who we're meant to be because we're so busy trying to live out someones else's ideas.  But other people and their opinions hold no power in defining our destiny. ~Oprah Winfrey

Forgetting the past to rebuild the future.....

As a mother of two beautiful children it's time to reinvent Christmas.  I owe it to my family to LOVE Christmas, to start new traditions and to build memories for our family.  Christmas time has never been a favorite of mine.  Yeah, yeah, yeah,  you can blame 16 years of retail but actually it has nothing to do with retail.  Blame my jacked up childhood.  Since age 8 I have been torn between houses.  That really annoys me!  When I was at my Dad's house I would worry about what my Mom was doing and when I was at my Mom's house my heart was broken for my Dad who was alone with the dogs.  It was never a comforting feeling being torn between who to spend Christmas with.  Christmas was kinda a blur as a child.  We didn't have any family traditions that we carried through.  I always remember my Dad doing all of his shopping at the local K-Mart or Target on Christmas Eve and coming home and filling the tree.  When he would shop in advance, by the time Christmas came I had just a few presents to open because I would beg to open all of them early and he couldn't say no to me.  I do remember a few times going out and getting a fresh tree.  I remember writing a note for Santa.  I remember my Mom getting us fruit baskets with money.  I remember one year my sisters and I all got new jewelry boxes.   Well, I do remember a few things but not many.  Like I always say, my parents did the best that they could.

So, instead of bitching about the past the new me is going to take action for my life and change what I don't like!