Pickle screamed this morning...

"EEEVVVVAAANNNN, EVAN YOU HEAR ME?"  "EVAN, EVAN, EVAN, EVAN."

"mama, me and dessa...."

"mama, me and Dessa went to Nana's grocery store by her house so we could see her."  "we miss nana so bad!"

Girlfriends...

I feel blessed to have so many great girlfriends!  My two best friends has been for 23 years now and my other best friend has been for 21 years.  I feel lucky to have them and we have all come along way.

For me, girlfriends give you what your husbands can't.  Your husbands don't have the ability to fill every aspect of your life.  And it's impossible for your children to fill you in the way that your husband and girlfriends do.  Sometimes I feel like it's a chore to keep up the relationships with girls but in the end, I always feel better leaving then I did going.

I have bonded with these three ladies since moving here.  The relationships were slow growing but have developed into something special.  We were all new mom's together, learning together and supporting each other.  For some reason, I never feel like I'm being judged like I often do with other mom's.  They see the real me, they are starting to understand the real me and most importantly they accept the real me.

We went to the Lilith Fair concert together.  We talked about what cute outfits we would wear, we got to chat without children interruptions, we got to let loose and drink a few mojito's, we had a great lunch/happy hour at a restaurant that wouldn't be enjoyable with kids, we ate the best desert know to man, and we got to enjoy my favorite singer Sarah McLachlan and most importantly we got to refuel ourselves.

I think it's good to leave your kids and let your husband see a day in your life.  One husband texted "I know why lion's eat their cubs."  And two of our husbands planned a play-date together (ahh how cute).  We were missed by our children and husbands.  We missed them, but will definitely do it all over again.

Left to Right...Lyndsay, Amy, you know that crazy girl, and Kim.

btw...I paid 13 bucks for that beer.  Inflation!

**MONDAY REVIEW/TIP**

Do you drink your calories?  If we are allowed between 1000-2000 calories a day then having one large drink from a fast food joint could be almost 1/2 to almost your whole day of calories.  And diet sodas aren't any better.  Shocking!

 I just read an article that said "Imagine taking your favorite candy bar, mixing it in a blender and drinking it 4-5 times a day.

Here's a few facts regarding the hidden calories in what we drink
x-Large (the biggest size 64oz at McDonalds, Wendy's, Sonic etc) for 32oz cut the number in half
Coke: 370
Mt. Dew: 880
Sprite:
Dr. Pepper: 800
7-up: 800
Peach Tea- 640
Lemonade (Pink, Reg): 800
Limade (cherry, reg fm Sonic): 460
Diet Cherry Limade: 25
ALL DIET SODA'S ARE: 0

Starbucks:
Grande size
Strawberries & Cream: 440
Double Choc Chip Frap: 510
Hot Choc: 510
Non-Fat Vanilla Latte: 200
Non-Fat Mocha Latte: 290
Coffee black: 0

Healthy Drink Guideline found on Harvard:

At least half of your daily fluid should come from water. For a person who needs 12 cups of fluid a day, that would mean six cups of water. More is fine—up to 100% of your daily beverage needs.

About one-third (or about three to four cups) can come from unsweetened coffee or tea. If you flavor your coffee or tea with a lot of sugar, cream, or whole milk, then drinking less would help manage weight. If you take a pass on coffee or tea, choose water instead.

Low-fat milk can make up another 20 percent, or about two 8-ounce glasses. Less is fine, just make sure you get your calcium from another source.

A small glass (4 ounces) of 100% fruit juice, and no more than 1 to 2 alcoholic drinks for men or no more than 1 for women.

Ideally, zero "diet" drinks made with artificial sweeteners, but up to 1 to 2 glasses (8 to 16 ounces) a day (this is adapted from the Beverage Guidance Panel's original recommendation of up to 32 ounces per day).

Ideally, zero drinks sweetened with sugar or high-fructose corn syrup, but up to a maximum of 8 ounces.  

http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/healthy-drinks/healthy-drinks-full-story/index.htmlhttp://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/healthy-drinks/sugary-vs-diet-drinks/index.html

"Get naked for the party"

Pickle and Peanut are in the bathtub.  Pickle is setting up a tea party.  She says to me "mama get naked for the party."

Okay parents....

If you want to run late that is one thing.  I personally don't think it's okay to send the message to your children that it's okay to be late (unless it's a emergency).  In my opinion, showing up late gives the impression that you don't respect the other person(s) time.  Was in tumbling today with Pickle.  Class starts at 1030 ends at 1130.  At 1045 here comes another, at 11 here comes another and then the icing on the cake, 1120 here comes the last mom.  Really?  Is that not rude to the instructor?  Is that not rude to the other parents that planned their morning to be there 5 minutes early just in case.  With each interruption the teacher had to excuse herself to explain to the parent what we were doing.  Yes, they are only 2-3 yrs old.  But I think running late is RUDE!  And if you run late it's sending the message that you don't respect other peoples time.

I'm just sayin!

He said MILK!

16m old and he has a 4 word vocabulary.
Ba (ball)
mama
dada
and we can officially add milk to the list.

"Is Daisy my cousin?"

There was a long conversation on our way to the gym about Dessa coming to visit today.  Pickle always says her friend Dessa.  I tried explaining that cousins were extra special.  And that she was lucky to have a cousin 2 weeks older then her.  I'm sure she thought about the whole cousin role all day long.  Then she busts out "mama, is daisy my cousin?"  I thought that was fricken funny!

Another funny one, all my nieces call me Gomie.  Started when I became my oldest niece in Switzerland's God Mother.  In German it's called Gertie but it sounds worse with a thick german accent.  That didn't jive with me at the time so we came up with Gomie a mix between god mother and mom.  It just stuck.  Every now and then Pickle will bust out a "GOMIE, mmmmoooommmm."  But today there was a fight about who's Gomie.  Pickle said "my Gomie" Dessa said "my Gomie."  Pickle said "my Gomie and my MOM."

Hi Daddy...

i-phone rings, Pickle slides the bar over.  "Hi Daddy.  I naked.  I spill all over.  ACTUALLY, it stopped raining.   No playing games.  I hang out with Dessa.  Yeah Daddy.  What doing Daddy?  I love you Daddy.  I miss you Daddy"

He that can have patience can have what he will

~Ben Franklin

This is the quote I keep repeating in my head. Our house has been on the market for 6 weeks and we have only had ONE showing.

I just wanna leave my dirty underwear laying on the floor when I leave the house.

Little Man...

Customize a collage

Are we really all smiling???

At a 4th of July party.

Words and a lot of eah eah eah's...Pickle 2yrs 8m and Peanut 16m....

The latest:
"mama, I want a cookie, a cookie like a circle, actually an O."

"mama, let's go to the store" I tried to explain to her "mama, doesn't have money" she responded after thinking for a few minutes, pointer finger on her chin and said "mama, mama, mama, I know....Daddy has lots of cash."  She only wishes!

"my name is yeah yeah, it's nice to meet you"  (hand out to shake)

"mama, yeah yeah have some cash for a smoothie...PA LEEZE."  I gave her a dollar and watched her walk to the counter at Costco.  "Smoothie PA LEEZE."  The she came running back with her smoothie and a giant sad face.  "mama, mama, man take my cash!"

"Daddy, yeah yeah wants a baby boy." ?????  Donny said, "you have bubba."  "No Daddy...a BABY."

"mom, I need Dessa and Nana to come to my house SO BAD."  "Mom, really BAD!"  "I NO WAIT!!!!"

And then there is peanut....he points and does this eah eah eah sound.  And once in awhile he busts out a BA BA BA BA (ball).

The Lotus Touts...

The  Lotus Touts
ONE.  Give  people more than they expect and do it  cheerfully.  

TWO.  Marry  a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get  older, their conversational skills will be as  important as any other. 

THREE.  Don't  believe all you hear, spend all you have or  sleep all you want. 

FOUR.  When  you say, 'I love you,' mean  it.  

FIVE..  When  you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the  eye.. 

SIX.  Be  engaged at least six months before you get  married. 

SEVEN.  Believe  in love at first  sight.  

EIGHT.  Never  laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have  dreams don't have much.  

NINE....  Love  deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but  it's the only way to live life completely.  

TEN..  In  disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.  

ELEVEN.  Don't  judge people by their  relatives.  

TWELVE.  Talk  slowly but think  quickly.  

THIRTEEN. When  someone asks you a question you don't want to  answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to  know?' 

FOURTEEN.  Remember  that great love and great achievements involve  great risk. 

FIFTEEN.  Say  'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.  

SIXTEEN.  When  you lose, don't lose the  lesson.  

SEVENTEEN.  Remember  the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for  others; and Responsibility for all your actions.  

EIGHTEEN.  Don't  let a little dispute injure a great friendship.  

NINETEEN.  When  you realize you've made a mistake, take  immediate steps to correct  it.  

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone.  The caller will hear it in your voice  

TWENTY-  ONE. Spend  some time alone.  

Pickle said....

We were driving and Pickle said "mama, I miss NaNa (Naree) sooooooooooooo BAD."

What is our food supply coming to?

As I'm pouring P&P's wal-mart apple juice I see printed on the side of the bottle.  CONTAINS CONCENTRATE FROM USA, POLAND AND CHINA.  Notice the AND.  It didn't say OR.
 
Last time I checked, apples were grown on one tree in one orchard in one state.  Why in the world would one bottle of apple juice need apple concentrate from three different countries.

No wonder why it's CHEAP!

First hiking trip with two...

You might all think that I'm girly.  I cry when I see mice.  I don't pick-up dog poop unless I'm on a walk.  The one time I had to mow the lawn I didn't realize that if you push the handle down it sort of moves itself.  I call tools "thingys."  I was raised in sort of an old fashion way.  Women cook can clean and men do outside stuff with tools and gadgets.  My Dad never made me take out the trash, mow the lawn or pick up dog poop.  Instead at age 11 I was expected to cook dinner, grocery shop and clean the house.  Yes, it's true.  At age 11 I was sent into the grocery store by myself with a 100 dollar bill and a calculator.

Now, let me say one more thing...If I had to do any of the above I would, I could.  I will never tell Pickle she should cook and clean and I will never tell Peanut he won't.    

Now that I have set up a good picture of myself.  Let me start by saying.  I was raised in a tent.  I learned at a young age how to bathe in a river, lake or whatever body of water was near.  I can go a week without a shower (done it).  I can poop and pee anywhere!  I don't need a shower or toilet.  It's considered a luxury.  

I LOVE the great outdoors!  Camping and hiking are my two favorite things to do. 

I'm what I like to say the best of both worlds.  I can get dolled up and look cute and I can put on a baseball cap and hit the great outdoors.  There is nothing more that I love then to go hiking, get really sweaty and have that dirt/salt residue all over my face.  Seriously!  I love that feeling.

Now, if Pickle was scared of mice we would all know where she got that from.  But instead she is scared of bugs and dirt.  We went for a little evening hike, a real hike.  She started by saying "mama DIRT, BUGS...I scared."  And the other day, I heard a deathly high pitched screech.  She had a lady bug on her shirt.  

Huh???  What the heck???  Are you serious???  No!  

This can't happen to me.  I can't have a little girl that is scared of the great outdoors.  

She must have gotten that from her Dad.  When we first started dating I was a big trail runner.  I took him on his FIRST...yes I said first hike.  

And you know what he said??????  It's too rocky, I'm gonna sprain my ankle or something.  WHAT??  He's lucky I didn't leave him on the side of a mountain to be eaten by a giant mountain lion.

  So Pickle, were living in the wrong state honey.  Since I have spent the last 3 years either pregnant or nursing this is my summer of opportunity.  I'm finally free of little creatures growing inside of me or latched onto me.  I have two walkers.  One fully potty trained.  This is my summer of getting out there.  Getting hot, sweaty and covered in dirt.

So, like other things you have to work on.  I will work on getting her covered in dirt and covered in bugs.  Heck, maybe I'll even make her eat them.  

It was brought to my attention....

That the Monday review isn't as exciting as what P&P are up to.

****MONDAY REVIEW**** on Thursday...

Okay, let's just be "Frank" you HAVE to eat less then your body burns in a day to loose weight.  There is no magic trick.  No pill.  No book.  No trick.

Just the simple science of eating less then you burn in a day will make you loose weight.

Whether you decide to...add in exercise...count your calories...count your points...make everyday adjustments...or just get your stomach stapled.  ANYTHING works if you just do it.

Just a thought...do you really know what you eat in a day.  Are you really measuring the bites you take when your cooking?  Do you count that giant beverage you picked up in the drive thru?  Do you know how many calories you can eat in a day?  Are you active to the best of your ability?

Just pick it and stick with it.  It will come with time.  And then when you get there....will you really be happier?

****MONDAY REVIEW****

Okay folks....I hate to break this to you BUT I get tired of hearing "I just can't loose weight."  You may be excluded if you have some kind of health condition/thyroid issue.  I'm guilty as charged, time and time again I have been known to say "I don't know why I can't loose weight".

It's a simple science....if you want to loose weight, burn more then you consume.  If you want to stay the same....eat what you burn in a day.  And if you want to gain weight....eat more then you burn in a day.

You will be shocked to see how what a small amount of calories our bodies need to run in a day.  I did a little research and this is what I found.....

THIS IS ANNOYING.  Okay, So....If I want to stay the exact same weight I can eat 1293 calories a day.  And if I want to loose weight I need to consume approximately  1000 calories a day.

That sure isn't much.  Read on to find out how many calories you need in a day. Shocking!!

Question:

How many calories should I eat if I want to lose weight?

Answer:  Technically, there is no magic number of calories we should all eat each day to lose weight. While most people can lose weight eating around 1,500 calories, you can assess your own personal caloric needs with a little math.

Why Estimate Your Caloric Needs?

To estimate how many calories you should consume in order to maintain your weight, you'll need to do a little math. By using a simple formula called the Harris-Benedict principle, you can assess your basal metabolic rate -- also known as your BMR.

(Then, to lose weight, you'll need to cut calories or burn extra calories and shoot for a level lower than the results you get with this formula.)

Calculate Your BMR.  Your BMR is the amount of energy your body needs to function. We use about 60% of the calories we consume each day for basic bodily functions such as breathing.

Other factors that influence your BMR are height, weight, age and sex.

Step one is to calculate your BMR with the following formula:

Women:
655 + (4.3 x weight in pounds) + (4.7 x height in inches) - (4.7 x age in years)

Men:
66 + (6.3 x weight in pounds) + (12.9 x height in inches) - (6.8 x age in years)

Please note that this formula applies only to adults.

Calculate Activity

Step two: In order to incorporate activity into your daily caloric needs, do the following calculation:

•               If you are sedentary : BMR x 20 percent (considered sitting on your rear end most of the time)               

•               If you are lightly active: BMR x 30 percent (is considered desk job, stay at home mom etc)

•               If you are moderately active (You exercise most days a week.): BMR x 40 percent

•               If you are very active (You exercise intensely on a daily basis or for prolonged periods.): BMR x 50 percent    

•               If you are extra active (You do hard labor or are in athletic training.): BMR x 60 percent       

Add this number to your BMR.

The result of this formula will be the number of calories you can eat every day and maintain your current weight. In order to lose weight, you'll need to take in fewer calories than this result.  As you lose weight, you can re-calculate the formula to assess your new BMR.

Create a Calorie Deficit
In order to lose weight, you must create a calorie deficit. It is easier and healthier to cut back your calorie intake a little bit at a time. Every 3,500 calories is equivalent to one pound.

So, if you cut back 500 calories a day, you should lose about one pound per week. That said, If you exercise to burn off 500 calories a day you should lose approximately one pound per week. Do both, and ... you get the picture. Ideally, you should do a combination of both, (such as cut back 250 calories; burn an extra 250 calories).

Make the Cut(s)With careful review, you will find ways to cut back those 250 calories a day: the milk in your cereal ... the can of soda you drink daily ... the butter on your toast.Making little changes like these will really add up in the long run. 

Check the calorie content of the foods you recorded in your food diary on paper or keep your actual food diary online with About.com's Calorie Count. Pay attention to serving sizes -- if your portion consisted of two servings, be sure to double the calories. Use a measuring cup or scale to measure your portions until you learn to "eyeball" them.

Next, find foods you can do without altogether, reduce portions of, or switch for lower-calorie alternatives.

And guess what? It's easier than you think. Take it one meal at a time. Or even one food at a time. And then, one day at a time.

Tomorrow, trade whole milk for reduced-fat milk The next day, try diet soda instead of regular. Three days in, switch to light wheat bread instead of white. All the calorie-reductions you make (and stick to) will add up in the long run.

http://weightloss.about.com/od/eatsmart/a/blcalintake.html

Once upon a time....

Once upon a time there was a highly motivated, driven, successful young woman.  She was eager, strong, motivating and had her career in the palm of her hand.  She was highly influential and was well known throughout the entire company (and it was a HUGE well known company).  She liked the attention, she fed off of the power, responsibility and position.  She let nothing stand in her way and she didn't care who liked her.  She was there to do her job and she did it well.  She exceeded goal after goal.  She reached for the stars and was flown to NYC to spend a week being wined and dined with corporate.  She stayed at the famous Plaza in Manhattan, had dinner at Terrace on the Green with the big wigs of the company.  She sat at the presidents desk with a view of central park, and was asked her opinions, thoughts and feelings about the company .  She was offered a regional promotion in another city that she passed up for love.  She stayed put and waited for a promotion close to home.  She was offered two paths...one path left her old city behind...the other was close to home.  She followed her heart but it was the wrong heart...she picked close to home with wrong company...she left her old career behind (the one closest to her heart).  She missed her opportunity to climb the corporate ladder.  She would have made it.  Instead she picked the wrong company.  The position she passed up for love would have taken her to a corporate position in NYC.  The love quickly fizzled and died.  She was disappointed she picked love over her career.  She thought she missed her opportunity.  Little did she know that she was going to fall in love again.  She picked "love" but she didn't know that it wasn't to him...it was to someone she hadn't met yet.  She didn't realize that all her decisions to stay was for someone else.  If she left for the promotion she would be highly successful.....BUT.....she wouldn't have met her best friend/soul mate.  She wouldn't be married to the man she is married to today.  And most importantly...money couldn't have bought a little Pickle and little Peanut.

Sometimes I miss my old career.  I look back and wonder where I could have gone.  My path went a different direction.  I laugh when I think about that crazy goal oriented successful young woman.  But the good thing is, I can say I loved what I did.  I was good at what I did.  "I've been there and I've done that."  I can go back one day.  But what I know today is there is no place like home with my husband, kids and family and that is worth all the money in the world.

Sometimes you come to a point in your life when there is only one choice....

Take it!

Life happens, things happen and you learn from mistakes.  You made the best choice at that time.  Life changes, people change and you change.  Your given a chance but there is only one way out.  Take ownership, live, learn and follow your heart.  But don't miss an opportunity.

My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.  ~Oprah 

Sweet Frankie,

You are more beatiful than you realize. God didn't give us life to worry about size and what we look like. He gave us our friendships, love, pain, and relationshipes so that we can grow closer to Him and Love Him even more and experience His love for us. You are so amazing and it makes my heart sing to hear you aknowledge that worrying about your body image is silly. We will be praying for LP and thank you for inspiring me today! love you!
Care Bear


To everyone out there who wakes up and looks in the mirror and feels disappointment.  This is from one girl who just lives and enjoys every curve, bulge and dimple.  We could all learn from her Italian background where they believe a woman should look like a woman.
Thanks, Care!

It's official.....

I have a website!   www.thesimplemoments.com

Simple Moments Photography.....

After a lot of soul searching.  Lots of "what am I going to do when I grow up?"  I finally decided to pursue my love for photography and start my own business.  I was feeling very insecure about going to a "professional" level.  I have had a camera attached to my face for the past 30years.  Yes, seriously.....30 years.  About 15 years ago I saved what seemed to be a lot of my waitressing money for my first "real" Nikon film camera.  And back in the day, a Nikon film camera ran about 500+.  It was a lot of money but I knew I would get my enjoyment from every dollar spent.  I would shoot off rolls of 35mm film in a matter of a day, take it to a developing lab and then with gobs of anticipation I would wait for the final prints.  After getting the final prints, you got what you took.  On average they say for every 24pictures taken 1 turns out useable.  I started by taking pictures for friends,  friends kids, random kids and whatever else I could manage to capture.  I purchased a handful of point and shoots in the past 10 years trying to find a digital camera that would capture what my Nikon film captured.  No such luck!  The great thing about film is that there isn't any delay in capturing a photograph and the small point and shoots don't allow that.

When I gave birth to Pickle, I used my Nikon film.  It was the only sure way to capture those "simple moments."  Tons of money spent on developing and finally Big D splurged on a Digital SLR Nikon D40.  AHHHHHHHHHH, I hadn't know a great camera until I got my hands on this one.  Oh my GOD!  I seriously was in heaven with my new camera.  Now I was shooting off 500+ images on a daily basis.  Then I started noticing a lighting issue with the built in flash, my standards are raising.  My in-laws treated us for Christmas to a flash, the Nikon SB 800 speedlight...another big investment.  I can't believe a flash can cost more then the camera body.  So, after about 2 years with my D40 I started outgrowing it.  It wasn't enough, and I needed more.  For Christmas 2009, 2 years after my first big SLR camera purchase.  After compare shopping, trying a higher quality professional cameras we invested in a D90 now this cost more then my first car.  Now let me just say, the camera I really wanted was well over $5000 without a lens (not do-able).  We compromised and got opinions from other photographers.  They all came back to me and said it's not the camera body that matters it's the lenses.  I thought my other camera was good but this is truly heaven in my hands.  Such a huge difference.  People have said my work is getting better which could partially be true but the camera is making the biggest difference.  

They were right, lenses make the biggest difference.  Thats where things get expensive and complicated.  The lens' I currently own are......18-55mm & 50-200mm (these both came in a package deal with my 1st SLR) and the MAC DADDY of them all is my newer 18-200mm.  The biggest thing on my list is to upgrade and get a better lens that runs (2000) big HUGE GULP.  That will have to wait for awhile, a long while!

Then there is lights and reflectors.  Photo editing programs.......Photoshop and Lightroom.  Then there is my latest love and that is an action package to cut down on editing time.  This just makes editing that much quicker.  Worth every singe penny!!!!!!

So, how am I doing it????  All the money I have earned thus far goes towards equipment, website etc.  And it will eventually pay for itself.

At first, my pricing was on the very low end of the photography scale.  Now, I'm finally understanding why the "professionals" charge what they do.  The equipment is a small fortune and it's always getting better.  Each client is approximately 10-15 hours of work (another hidden unknown in the professional world of photography).  And most importantly, a good photograph is truly an art.  Not everyone can pick up a camera and capture a total stranger's essence of life.

****MONDAY REVIEW****

My good friend inspired me to do a diet/nutrition/and crap I've learned through the years review.  I could practically have a nutrition degree or write a book with all the college nutrition classes and experience I have with dieting, working out etc.........HOWEVER..... they don't teach you how to wire youR mouth closed.  She (my friend) started a "get real with herself" 30 day diet blog and even posted measurements.  She's tired of living a lie and she is hilarious!  I figure, there is no way in hell I'm putting my stats on a blog but I will share what I have learned through the years.  

  So, here goes.....MONDAY REVIEW....

I feel cheated that I have been living my whole life without this greek yogurt.  It is a spoonful of heaven. I'm a yogurt connoisseur, I love it, I eat it for breakfast, lunch or dinner and even sometimes as desert.  Add a dollop of 100% fruit spread (jelly) or a little honey and it's enough to make you run through the streets naked.

  

This is a super food when you are dieting. With its 13 grams of protein, you cannot go wrong. Mix it will some honey and berries and you have something that seriously rivals a cupcake. It's definately more expensive than regular yogurt, but the health benefits are worth it.


Nutrition Facts
Serving Size: 1 Container (6oz or 170g)

Amount per Serving
Calories 90 Calories from Fat 0
% Daily Value *
Total Fat 0g	0%
Saturated Fat  0g	0%
Trans Fat  0g
Cholesterol 0mg	0%
Sodium 64mg	3%
Potassium 0mg	0%
Total Carbohydrate 6.8g	2%
Dietary Fiber  0g	0%
Sugars  6.8g
Protein 15g	30%

Vitamin A	0%
Vitamin C	0%
Calcium	20%
Iron	0%

---

Est. Percent of Calories from:

Fat 0.0%     Carbs 30.2%

Protein 66.7%

Words for me to remember.....

She threw all her Play-Do on the floor.  I said "I'm going to throw it all away now."  She said (word for word)...."that's a real bummer Mom."

She's obsessed with doing gymnastics and soccer.  Everyday it's a mission to find a playground with a bar and to go to a park to play "sock-ther".  "I hang on bar Mom, I do nastics."

Bubba says:
eah
eah
eah
eah
eah
eah
yah yah (Pickle)
ball
gog (dog)
dada
mama
and does a ton of pointing!

Just when you were worried about something so superficial......

I had a rude awakening.

I started my day off as normal, woke up to Pickle in my bed at 5am, I put her in bed with me and listened to her for the next hour talk about my eyelashes, eye brows and that she put her pull-up in the trash, how she dressed herself, how she no likes dresses and then she proceeded to say "mama pants, glasses" that means it's time to get up.  She handed me my pants (which always lie next to my bed) and my glasses.  For the first time in ages, Big D was still in bed.  I walked over to the bathroom and stood on the scale as I do every morning, noon and night, thought to myself just another *% pounds to go, looked in the mirror and thought to myself "I used to be pretty."

I have always struggled with a poor body image.  No matter what size I am whether it be a size 4 or 12 I ALWAYS think to myself "if I could loose __ more pounds."

So, back to my poor body image.......I had a real slap in the face today.  As I started off my morning as stated above.  Thoughts rambling though my head about what to eat for the day, when I'm going to workout and how many more pounds I have to loose.  I got this email from one of my very very close friends of 21 years.......

Good Morning  Franks.

Sorry to do this on email…

I haven’t been feeling so hot and I have undergone some tests and it turns out I have

Thyroid cancer.  Thyroid cancer of the cancers is prob the most treatable.  It isn’t very aggressive and it rarely spreads since it is detected early in most cases.  I will have surgery in the next 2-3 weeks to remove my thyroid completely which should do the trick… it is likely that I have some cancer in a few lymph nodes too.  But the follow up treatment is Iodine radiation  which should take care of that.  I have a follow up appointment next week – when they have the results of the full gamut of tests and can tell me precisely which type of thyroid cancer I have… evidently there are two common thyroid cancers and handful of more obscure ones.  Regardless, the thyroid will be removed.  I will have to take medication to supplement the hormones produced by the thyroid but other than that life should be normal.  That is all I know for now…   I am sure you’d like me to say the word thyroid at least one more time… so here it is…. Thyroid.

I like you and think you are neat.   I will keep you updated.

Love, love, love!

LP

Dear Pony, 

You have been on my mind for the past few weeks.  I actually haven't been able to stop thinking about you and I just thought this morning " I wonder if you are walking to work? then I looked at the clock and thought I would have missed you."  But I didn't try.....

If I were you.....I would also be sending emails vs having to deal with everybody's reaction on the phone.  I know the last thing you want is for people to feel bad, sad and sorry for you.  I also know you have a hard time seeing others sad.  But let me just say this.....my heart is aching.

I feel like the past 5 years we have been separated by distance, busy lives and everything else that has come in our way.  I know that friendships like ours should be able to handle all of the above and stay strong.  Regardless of the lack of seeing each other or talking to each other I still feel the same way about you and us.  I feel like the past 5 years I got caught up with the sadness of my dad, getting married, moving, having kids and blah blah blah.  I just got caught up in "MY life."  I felt like we both missed out on the day to day happenings in each others lives.  I often felt like my life wasn't exciting enough and that you were too busy to bother about my the sadness I felt from my Dad.  But I never tried to reach out and call you more often, it was my own insecurities and unsureness.  You have a very special place in my heart!  We have come a long way, we have grown, our lives have changed, we have maybe become different people but I hope you know you are still my best friend.

As far as your diagnosis, I won't get in all the worries, unfairness or concerns.  Like you said, Thyroid cancer is the best cancer to have of all the cancers.  I'm here for you, I love you and I will keep you in my daily thoughts and prayers!

Maybe you could start a blog to keep all of us in the loop?  Or I could start one for you.

I love the shit out of you!

Frankie

Hi Frank,

Thanks for this!  I got your sweet voicemail too.

I have been so overwhelmed trying to deal and get ready for this.  Work has been insane…really insane so that adds so much to my plate when it comes to taking on this crappy diagnoses.  So, sorry for the delayed reply.

I know what you mean about the distance and different lives but I kind of feel like that is what happens when you grow up.

It was sad for me to hear that you actually had made a point to not call to talk about your life because you thought I was too busy or too exciting to understand how you were feeling especially with your dad.    I hope that wasn’t something that I had done.  After and during your dads illness I remember almost stalking you, I felt that I was one of the few who really did understand what he meant to you.  since then, I do feel that I have been the instigator in our friendship – when we talk it is because I reach out in one way or another.   Until now,  I have never let the thought cross my mind that perhaps our limited phone conversations/visits were for any other reason than ….busy lives.  Every time we do see each other it is easy and not forced so  I suppose, for me, I think the trick is I try hard to be mindful of the fact that I have absolutely NO CLUE what it is like to be a full time mom, wife etc.  and I just don’t get my feelings hurt when friendships like ours ebb and flow as they do.  With that, I hope that you can see that I live in a city where I am virtually never alone… there is no commute to/from work in car and it really is hard to keep in touch on the phone….. but I do the best I can.  I guess my point, and I took the long way around is……  I feel the same about you and our friendship and hope that you have now eliminated the nonsense thought that I am too busy to care about your life or sadness..

With regards to the road ahead for me.   You really wouldn’t believe the range of emotions that you go through.  Obviously there is the standard smack in the face of having to face your mortality.  It’s a weird feeling that I thought I knew- but really until I was faced with it… I had no idea.

I have lots of fear for the actual process.  It’s terrifying to know that I will have to take a pill everyday for the rest of my life, horrifying to know that the radiation could have an impact on my fertility when I finally met a boy that I’d want to fertilize me…  J  it’s also scary when they give you a prognosis that 90% of patients live at least 10-15 years.  As if 10-15 years is a good thing….  Oh and did I mention that your thyroid regulates your metabolism….that could be a good thing or a bad thing… On the flip side…. It is a bit overwhelming to see the outpouring of love and support that I have.  I have only lived here 5 years and I feel I have built a true FAMILY within my circle of friends.  David is an absolute angel and his family is beyond words….they treat me like one of their own in every way.  

The nut of the story is… I know I will get through this and prob with a much better perspective on life.  It gives me great peace of mind to know that I will be in your thoughts and prayers.  Maybe this fall you can come out here and we can celebrate life.

Give those sweet babies a kiss from me and I will keep you posted.

xxLP

The last few days have been hard on me for a thousand of different reasons.  My heart is aching for LP, I can't imagine what is going through her head.  It seems like a bad dream and I can't even begin to grasp what she is feeling.  I'm hopeful, sad, scared, strong and confused for her.  It doesn't seem possible.  I don't know how she is able to comprehend what is happening.  I pray for her and  I know she has the strength and courage to make it through!

I think it's time to STOP!  STOP with the poor body image, STOP with the negative thoughts about the way I look, and STOP being so hard on myself.  I'm healthy, I eat healthy, I exercise, I'm physically fit, and most importantly I'm blessed!  Regardless of what size I am, I need to stop and count my blessings.  There are a lot of people out there that are faced with enormous challenges, difficult paths ahead of them, and unfortunate diagnosis.  We all just need to STOP and count our blessings.

Nobody can start a new beginning, but anyone can start today to make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson

Pickle said....

"Mom, I want to play sock-ther (soccer)."

I once had advice given to me by Elle, she said..."I don't mention sports until they come to me requesting a sport."  or something like that.  I know they cost a small fortune these days.  So, I have never mentioned any sport to Pickle.  I figure our time will come, I just didn't think it would be at age 2????

Do they even have soccer for 2yr olds?

To answer your question.....

Rosie said...Just curious, why do you want to move? I know I know you said "don't ask" but you didn't specify what not to ask ;) I'm just curious because I'm always bugging William to move me to CS but he thinks we'll miss D town too much.

Frankie: Well, I never considered myself a big city girl until I moved to a small city. The plans aren't to come home anytime in the near future. However; my philosophy is to get your ducks lined up in a row. As previous posts, I was never planning on staying here. It was looked at as a stepping stone for D's career. If we don't own a house here and something comes open we will be ready.  This city CS is a great city. It's small, there isn't any traffic, people are friendly (sometimes too friendly), you can buy a lot bigger house for your money (the house I live in now would prob sell for over 5-600,000 there and is almost half the cost here especially since the market dropped), it does feel a touch safer, and it's family oriented. It's also great to be next to one of the highest peaks, and great outdoor surroundings. It's just not home. I liked living next to Red Rocks, I had trails right outside of my door, I love being near downtown (a real downtown), it's only 40min away from all the ski resorts and mountain towns, not that I'm a big sporting fan but I do enjoy on a whim heading downtown for a baseball game, and most importantly that is where our support group lives (close friends and family).
I have met a lot of great people here. I have a ton of "mom friends" and feel very fortunate to have met so many great people. I do believe I was brought here for a reason and I have learned tons about myself during the past 4 years. But like I said before, it's just not home

Something actually worth forwarding......

I wouldn't call myself an email forwarder.  I'm busy, I know your busy and often I find it hard to even check my email.  Then when my box is full of forwards, it goes like this.....delete....delete...delete.  Unless of course it comes from someone who doesn't forward very often.  Then I figure it's worth the read.  Most of the time forwarded emails fall into the category of "junk mail."  I don't think it's possible to go to hell because you didn't forward an email with the virgin mary to 10 of your friends.

So, this morning I get a forward from my sister all the way from switzerland.  I figure, she doesn't forward often it must be a good one.  And you better bet it was hilarious!!!!!!!!

It goes like this.....

GROWING UP WITHOUT CELL PHONES......

 just had a hilarious, tears-in-my-eyes, hour long conversation with a fellow mom.  We are beginning to feel like old farts.  It seems like every day, something I say dates me further.  From walkmans and 8-tracks to Eddie Rabbit . . . we covered it all, so I thought it was particularly hilarious when she sent this to me.   IF you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways… yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn utopia!

And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!
And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!
See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!

Regards,

The Over 30 Crowd