A response to my previous post....

I have a good friend that happens to live 3 houses down from me.  She's a blogger and I mean she's a BLOGGER!  www.bonkdown.blogspot.com She has been given the gift of writing.  She has words and she has a lot of words!  Her words are her form of therapy and her form of going out for a drink.  She has great well behaved kids and I seek her opinion often.  She was the first friend I had when I moved here.  When I walked into her house for the first time it was kinda like being in my own house excluding a lot of family pics on the walls (she hates pics of herself where I love pics of myself :-)).  We have a lot in common yet we are completely different people.  Anyway, she caught me in the middle of an emotional day.  She knocked on my door; I saw her and started crying.  Not common for anyone to see me cry.  Her visit helped me, it made me realize I'm not crazy.  It's okay for Crazy Frankie to come out now and again.  It's okay to admit I'm in the thick of toddler tantrum hell.  She says everyone SAHM goes through this and it's okay!  This is what she writes.....

I read my friend Frankie's post today.  http://lilytalk.blogspot.com/  It's called, "Okay, Let's Be Honest."

I'm not even sure I read the whole thing. I mostly skimmed the last part, but it moved me enough to call her, say "Don't move . . I'm coming down" and Mimi and I walked in her door only a few minutes later. Crazy bitch that she is, she tried to pick up her son and hide behind a trendy cute hat to avoid me. But I said, "Put down the baby." And I laid a full frontal "I'm not boob-phoebic" bear hug on her.

I'm not sure my visit helped anything . . . but I know this:

Being a stay at home (or work from home) mom is the very hardest job I have ever had.  And she's right.  It sometimes does make you feel tired, unsexy, ugly, fat, homely, sometimes underchallenged and pent-up.   Mmm-hmm.  Absolutely.   It's like the military, deployment, hazard duty -- but with no pay and no thanks.   It can be infuriating.  There's no sense of completion or done-ness because there is always a dishwasher to load (or unload), laundry to do, stuff to pick up, a meal to prepare, or an errand to run.  I know it's okay to miss work and crave a break -- only to get a tiny window of time alone, and think about nothing but your snot-nose, whiny, but ever so adorable offspring. 

We've all had a mommy meltdown.  Anyone who denies it is lying through their teeth.   The trick, I think, lies in surrendering to your role.  Not to your kids.  To your role.

Some stay at home or work from home momma do cope with things better and/or differently.   Frankie has a pretty strong social network of moms whose kids are all about the same age.  But even with that . . . the reality is that YOU are the only one who knows YOUR home.  You're the only one that butts heads with your toddler, picks up the pieces at the end of the day, picks the battles to fight & wishes like hell that you had a husband at home for a tiny sliver of relief.  I happen to identify with Frankie's spousal situation pretty intimately -- having a spousal unit in that same field, gone all the time and on-call every minute he was home.  Planning is impossible and can be summed up like this, "sure, plan it . . but have a back up plan."  I can remember so, so, so many nights when I sat in bed with 3 kids that never slept and rocked them and cried with them, because it was all I had left.  And I can remember thinking, "I really didn't want to be a single mom!!"  This season shall pass . . . . it's not over or easier . . just different!

Anyway, Frankie . . and any other momma out there who identifies with that post . . . . hang in there!  There's a light at the end of the tunnel.  You are taking part in the oldest, best and very most important profession in the WHOLE world.  The fabulous little citizens you'll turn out will someday dazzle you with their brillliance and bring tears of pride to your eyes.  It's only survival mode for a little while!